"Climbing on Flat Ground: The Art of Reconciling with Pressure, Goals, and Inner Drive"

Prelude: The “Top Student” Who Burned Out

I heard about Chenyu from an alumnus. Apparently, Chenyu was the most spirited legend of their graduating class, especially during a crucial debate competition where, as the fourth debater for the opposition, he single-handedly turned the tide when everyone thought the battle was lost. The alumnus’s eyes lit up as he described Chenyu under the spotlight: “There was something almost burning in his eyes, his logic was like a surgeon’s scalpel, and his language was incredibly charismatic. He was undoubtedly the ‘top student’ among us.”

After graduation, Chenyu, as everyone expected, joined a top consulting firm. His legend transformed into enviable updates on social media, like a “fast-forward version” of our ordinary college lives: project reports at 4 AM, boarding passes for another continent, casual conversations with industry titans, and annual promotion notices delivered on schedule. He was like a high-performance rocket, always soaring towards higher, more distant skies.

For us students, still on campus, both aspiring and bewildered about the future, Chenyu’s story was like a distant benchmark, a reference point for measuring “sufficient effort.” We joked privately that a life script like his probably didn’t need any “what ifs.”

So, when the alumnus later told me that Chenyu had “burned out,” I was greatly shocked. The alumnus received a call from Chenyu one afternoon; the voice on the other end, he said, was a breathy whisper he’d never heard before, uttering only one sentence: “I can’t move.”

The alumnus initially thought he was joking and even laughed, asking if he’d pulled a muscle at the gym.

There was a long silence on the other end, long enough to clearly hear repressed, heavy breathing. Then, Chenyu said: “No, I’ve been sitting at my desk for three hours. The computer is on, the coffee’s cold, and the A4 paper is filled with tasks that must be completed today. I recognize every single one, but I just… can’t move.”

“‘Climbing on flat ground’,” when the alumnus relayed Chenyu’s metaphor to me, it struck me like a bullet.

This is a peculiar dilemma unique to modern society. We no longer struggle for survival itself, unlike our ancestors. We possess unprecedented resources, opportunities, and choices. We are inundated with success stories and motivational narratives, told that with enough effort and clear goals, we will surely reach our ideal destination. But why is it that more and more “top students” like Chenyu, after having every reason to move forward, lose the strength to do so? Why do immense pressure and clear goals, which should propel us like a twin-turbo engine, sometimes turn into the heaviest straw that breaks our backs?

Chenyu’s story, like a mirror, reflects many unspoken confusions of our generation. It forced me, a student planning my future on a university campus, to start thinking early: How exactly does the “power system” that drives us forward operate? What truly happens within us when it malfunctions?

This is not merely a technical issue about “stress management” or “goal setting.” It touches upon the fundamental ways we interact with the world, with others, and with ourselves.

Therefore, this should not be a cold “self-help manual,” but rather a sincere, in-depth journey of exploration. We will dive into the deep waters of this modern dilemma, starting with specific, actionable “techniques,” gradually moving into the “philosophy” concerning life’s direction, and ultimately, attempting to find a wisdom that allows for harmonious coexistence with pressure, goals, and our inner self that sometimes feels weary, lost, and yearns to “burn out.”

I have divided this journey of exploration into three parts:

Part One: Tactics - Reorganizing the Disordered Inner World. In this part, we will focus on immediate “first aid” techniques. When your brain is overwhelmed by pressure and chaos, we need specific tools to clear your “mental desktop,” tame out-of-control goals, and open the body’s pressure relief valves. This is like learning how to steady the rudder and pump out water in a storm.

Part Two: Strategy - Recalibrating Life’s Compass. Once we recover from the emergency, we must begin to ponder the more fundamental question. Is the direction we are sailing in inherently correct? In this part, we will learn how to listen to our inner voice, examine our relationship with our goals, and summon the courage to make strategic choices truly loyal to ourselves at life’s crossroads.

Part Three: Integration - A Journey of Reconciling with the True Self. Beyond tactics and strategy, we need a grander wisdom to integrate all our inner conflicts and desires. We will learn how to set aside necessary “fallow periods” for life, find strength in “useless things,” and ultimately understand that true drive may not come from the relentless pursuit of a goal, but from fully dancing with the river of our own life, sometimes turbulent, sometimes serene.

This journey began in alumnus Chenyu’s dimly lit living room, with that heartbreaking metaphor—“climbing on flat ground.” Now, I invite you to embark with me.

PART ONE: TACTICS - Reorganizing the Disordered Inner World

In a heavy storm, an experienced sailor’s first priority is not to ponder the ultimate meaning of the stars and the sea, but to secure the portholes, pump out bilge water, and steady the wildly swaying rudder. Similarly, when we are swept by a storm of pressure and feel on the verge of capsizing, the most important and urgent task is not profound philosophical reflection, but mastering tactics that allow us to immediately “survive.”

In this part, we will not discuss abstract theories, but focus solely on specific, effective, and immediately actionable “combat techniques.” They are like a Swiss Army knife: compact, sharp, and capable of cutting tangled ropes or opening stubborn cans when you need them most. We will learn how to clear that chaotic “mental desktop,” how to tame the “goal monster” that frightens you, and how to find and open the inherent “pressure relief valves” in our bodies.

This is not about willpower; it’s about methodology. Let’s start with the most basic and crucial first step: a complete “system reinstallation” for our overwhelmed brains.

CHAPTER ONE: Clearing the “Mental Desktop”: From Cognitive Overload to Inner Order

Have you ever had this experience?

You wake up and remember thirty emails to reply to today, a project report due this afternoon, a social event tonight, a proposal due next week, plane tickets not yet bought, utility bills forgotten… These thoughts don’t flow like an orderly river, but like a sudden mudslide, instantly overwhelming your brain. You feel an indescribable sense of suffocation, as if countless hands are simultaneously pulling at your attention. You want to do something, but feel paralyzed by the sheer number of tasks, ultimately collapsing and scrolling through your phone, letting time slip away in anxiety.

This state is known in psychology as “Cognitive Overload.” It has nothing to do with our willpower; it’s purely a technical problem.

Imagine your brain as a computer desktop. A tidy desktop has files neatly categorized and program icons orderly arranged, allowing you to always find what you need instantly, and the computer runs smoothly. A cluttered desktop, however, is piled with temporary files, shortcuts, and unfinished documents, overlapping each other, with pop-up viruses constantly appearing. When you try to work in this chaos, the computer’s CPU (our prefrontal cortex, responsible for rational thought and decision-making) overheats rapidly from trying to process too much random information simultaneously. Eventually, for self-protection, its only option is to — crash.

Chenyu’s “burnout” was essentially a severe “brain crash.” His large whiteboard, covered with plans, at some point transformed from an inspiring “blueprint” into a “mental desktop” riddled with pop-up viruses. Every task screamed for his attention, ultimately exhausting all his “memory” and “processing power.”

So, when we feel that “powerlessness” during immense stress, it’s not truly a lack of strength, but rather our “strength” being consumed by dealing with this inner chaos. We are like someone trying to run in a quagmire, every step a struggle.

Therefore, the first step to regaining motivation is not to pump yourself up, nor to set grander goals, but to first climb out of the quagmire. What we need to do is a thorough “spring cleaning” of our chaotic mental desktop. I call this method: “Thought Card Sorting.” It’s simple, effective, and even… a bit fun.

Detailed Technique: “Thought Card Sorting”

The core of this method is “externalization” and “concretization.” What we need to do is transform the invisible, intangible, tangled mess in our minds into visible, tangible “cards” that we can freely move and categorize. This process itself has a powerful therapeutic effect, as it transforms you from a “victim overwhelmed by chaos” into a “master organizing chaos.”

Step One: Empty Your Brain — Undifferentiated Capture

Tools: A large stack of sticky notes or index cards, a comfortable pen. If you’re a digital enthusiast, you can also use any app that supports card-based recording (like Trello, Notion, Milanote), but I strongly recommend using physical cards for your first attempt, as the tactile sensation of handwriting and the physical act of moving them will send stronger signals of control to your brain.

Execution: Find an absolutely undisturbed 30 minutes. Sit down and take three deep breaths. Then, start “emptying” your brain. Write every single thing swirling in your mind, regardless of size, public or private, urgency or importance, onto a card.

Remember, one card, one item.

• “Reply to client Mr. Zhang’s email” — write one card.
• “Consider risks for Project B” — write one card.
• “Buy cat food” — write one card.
• “Worry about next month’s rent” — also write one card. Yes, your worries and anxieties are also “files” occupying your mental desktop; you need to capture and write them down.
• “Feel like a failure” — this is also a thought that needs to be captured; write it down.

The key to this process is “undifferentiated.” Don’t judge, don’t think, don’t organize. Your only task is to cast a net like a fisherman, pulling all the “fish” in your mind, big or small, beautiful or ugly, onto the deck. This process might last 10 to 20 minutes, until you feel your brain is empty and you can’t think of anything else.

After this step, looking at the pile of cards in front of you, you might be startled. But at the same time, you’ll feel an unprecedented sense of lightness. Because those “ghosts” that once wreaked havoc in your mind have now been transformed into harmless pieces of paper on your desk that can be examined.

Step Two: Categorize and Organize — Establish Order

Now, we’re going to start organizing these “ghosts.” Here, we’ll borrow from the classic “Eisenhower Matrix” in time management, the “Urgency-Importance” four-quadrant rule, but we’ll infuse it with more emotional and intuitive color.

Preparation: A large table, or a clean floor.

Execution: Look at your pile of cards and begin the first classification. Pick up a card and, based on your first instinct, place it into one of the following four areas:

1. “Burning House” Area (Important and Urgent): These are things that will “catch fire” if not dealt with today. For example, “Report due by 2 PM” or “Reply to urgent email from boss.” There usually aren’t too many cards in this area; if there are, it suggests deeper problems with your work or lifestyle.

2. “Frogs and Fertile Fields” Area (Important but Not Urgent): This is the area that most requires our energy but is most easily neglected. They are like “ugly frogs” that we always want to put off eating until the last minute (e.g., “Start preparing next month’s presentation,” “Exercise three times a week”). But at the same time, they are the “fertile fields” that can nourish our future. The items in this area determine who you will become a year from now.

3. “Busy Trap” Area (Urgent but Not Important): This area is filled with various trivial tasks disguised as “important matters.” They are often other people’s tasks, or minor, sudden requests (e.g., “Help a colleague find a file,” “Attend an unimportant impromptu meeting”). They constantly interrupt you, making you feel busy, but you end up with little to show for the day. These are our main “energy thieves.”

4. “Serene Desert” Area (Not Important, Not Urgent): These things can largely be ignored, or rather, they are your “refuge” for escaping the first three areas. For example, “mindlessly scrolling social media,” “organizing old photos from eight hundred years ago on your computer.”

Allow yourself to adjust during the classification process. You might find that a card you initially thought belonged in the “Burning House” area, upon closer inspection, is actually just a “Busy Trap.” This process, in itself, is a profound act of self-awareness.

Step Three: Emotional Empowerment and Action Planning

Once categorized, your mental world has transformed from chaos into four clear territories. Now, we will infuse them with the energy of action.

Execution:

• Handle the “Burning House”: Arrange the cards in this area by time order. This is your list of tasks that must be done immediately, today. Place them where they are most visible.

• Tame the “Frogs and Fertile Fields”: This is the most crucial step. Looking at the cards in this area, you’ll find most of them are large and daunting. Now, you need to “decompose” them. Pick up a card, for example, “Prepare next month’s presentation,” and tear it into several smaller cards, becoming: “1. Gather materials (complete by Wednesday); 2. Outline (complete by Friday); 3. Create initial PPT draft (complete by next Monday)…” Then, stick the first decomposed step (e.g., “Gather materials”) onto your schedule, giving it a specific action time. Remember, you don’t need to eat the whole frog; you just need to lick it.

• Beware of the “Busy Trap”: Look at the cards in this area and ask yourself: “Can this be delegated? Can I refuse it? Can I set a fixed ‘miscellaneous task time’ (e.g., 4 PM to 5 PM daily) to handle them all at once?” Learning to say “no” to this area is key to reclaiming control of your life.

• Utilize the “Serene Desert”: This area is not entirely useless. You can consciously choose some items from it as “rewards” after completing important tasks. For example, “After finishing the first part of the report, allow myself to scroll on my phone for 15 minutes.” This way, it transforms from an “escape black hole” into a “positive reward.”

After all this, look at your desktop again. That tangled mess that once suffocated you has now become a clear, actionable, and controllable map of action. You are no longer pushed by a flood of tasks; you have become the urban planner of your mental world.

Case Study: Senior Colleague Sister Xu’s “Card Miracle”

I once read an online post by a senior colleague named Sister Xu sharing her experience. She was a project manager at an internet company, and for a period, she was simultaneously responsible for three projects, overwhelmed daily by meetings, emails, and emergencies, on the verge of collapse. She described the feeling: “It was like playing three Tetris games at once, with blocks falling from all directions at triple speed; I couldn’t react at all.”

Later, she discovered the “Thought Card Sorting” method.

One Monday evening, she spent a full hour writing down everything in her mind on sticky notes, covering the floor. She wrote in her post that when she finished the last item, she cried. Not out of sadness, but a huge release. “So, it was these things that tortured me like this. They don’t seem so scary after all.”

The following week, she spent 15 minutes each morning organizing her “card wall.”

• She discovered that she spent a lot of time daily on things from the “Busy Trap”—temporary requests from other departments that weren’t her responsibility. She started practicing how to politely but firmly decline, or redirect requests to the correct person.
• She found that the “Q3 Strategic Planning” project, which caused her the most anxiety, hadn’t progressed because it was too large and vague. Using the method she learned, she broke it down into more than twenty small cards, then stuck the first one, “Schedule a meeting with the Sales Director to discuss market feedback,” onto her Tuesday schedule. On Tuesday afternoon, she completed this small task and felt “that huge mountain pressing on my heart finally shifted a tiny bit.”
• She even wrote “Take my daughter to the park” and “Do yoga myself” as cards, placed them in the “Frogs and Fertile Fields” area, and scheduled specific times for them.

A week later, Sister Xu concluded her post by writing that her workload hadn’t decreased, but her anxiety and powerlessness had disappeared by 90%. She said: “I no longer feel like a broken boat spinning in a storm; I’ve become a captain. I know where the reefs are and where the shipping lanes are. Most importantly, the rudder is back in my own hands.”

Digital or Physical? Find Your “Flow” Tool

Finally, regarding whether to use digital tools or physical cards, there’s no absolute best.

• The advantage of physical cards lies in their “ritualistic” and “physical” feel. Handwriting, touching, and moving these cards send stronger psychological cues to the brain. It’s suitable for a complete “reboot” when feeling extremely chaotic.
• The advantage of digital tools lies in their convenience, traceability, and collaborative nature. Once you’ve established inner order, using an app to manage daily tasks can be more efficient.

The best approach is to find a combination that suits you. For example, do a weekly “spring cleaning” with physical cards, and then use digital tools for daily tracking. The key is to find the tool that makes you feel “in control” and in “flow.”

Remember, clearing your mental desktop is not about making us a more efficient “work machine,” but about freeing ourselves from unnecessary internal consumption, reserving valuable energy for what we truly want to do and truly love.

When we are no longer struggling in the inner quagmire, we finally have the strength to look up at the sky. And next, we will face the alluring yet scorching “sun” in the sky—our goals.

CHAPTER TWO: Taming the “Goal Monster”: From Being Chased to Taking Control

If we liken inner chaos to a quagmire, then an overly grand, vague, or unrealistic goal is like a giant beast lurking in its depths. It roars enticingly from afar, drawing us closer, but when we actually approach, we realize its size is so immense, its breath so scorching, that we become paralyzed by fear, ultimately consumed by its oppressive presence.

Chenyu’s whiteboard was covered with such “monsters”: “Become a partner within three years,” “Lead a billion-dollar M&A deal,” “Achieve financial freedom”… Any single one of these goals would be enough to grace the cover of a success magazine. They glittered, impeccably correct, yet also coldly impersonal. They were “declarations” written for others, not “sweet nothings” whispered to oneself.

When we are chased by such “goal monsters,” our motivational system goes awry. We are no longer masters of our goals but slaves to them. We feel not passion, but the fear of being hunted by KPIs; we experience not the joy of creation, but the anxiety of falling behind.

“Loss of motivation,” often, is our inner system’s silent resistance to this monster. It’s telling us, in its own way: “Hey, I don’t want to be chased anymore, I’m scared, I want to stop.”

So, after learning to clear our mental desktop, our second tactic is to learn how to tame the “goal monster.” We don’t want to kill it, nor flee from it, but rather learn an elegant “beast-taming art,” transforming it from a terrifying pursuer into a docile “mount” willing to carry us towards distant horizons.

This “beast-taming art” is called PE-SMART. It builds upon the classic SMART principles (Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Relevant, Time-bound) by adding two crucial, psychologically-derived dimensions: P (Positively phrased) and E (Ecologically sound). It’s not just a goal-setting tool, but a philosophy for conversing with our deepest desires and fears.

PE-SMART In-depth Analysis: Injecting Soul into Your Goals

Let’s unpack the magic contained within these seven letters one by one. You’ll find that a good goal, like a good poem, has both rigorous structure and rich emotion.

P - Positively phrased: Use “I want” instead of “I don’t want”

This is the starting point for all change, and the most easily overlooked point. Our brain, like a loyal but somewhat clumsy servant, doesn’t handle “negative” commands well. When you tell it “I don’t want to procrastinate anymore,” it has to first visualize and feel “procrastination” in your mind to understand what it is, which ironically strengthens your focus on procrastination.

• Negative Example: I once saw a netizen named Xiaotong share her experience. She had vowed to make “I don’t want to eat junk food anymore” her New Year’s resolution. As a result, she thought about chips, fried chicken, and soda every day, ultimately ordering a family-sized bucket late one night in a retaliatory binge. Her goal became a “forbidden menu” filled with temptation.
• Positive Example: Later, she changed her goal to “I want to cook three nutritious and delicious healthy meals for myself each week and enjoy the cooking process.” This goal no longer focused on the pain of “losing” (not being able to eat junk food), but on the joy of “gaining” (the pleasure of cooking, a healthy body). She started following food bloggers on social media, learning plating, and even taking photos of her creations. Ultimately, she naturally reduced her junk food intake because she found a more appealing alternative.

S - Specific: Give your desire a clear address

Vagueness is the enemy of motivation. A vague goal is like an address without a house number; your action “delivery person” simply doesn’t know where to deliver the package.

• Negative Example: Many people set the goal “I want to learn English well.” But what does “well” mean? Is it being able to understand American TV shows, converse fluently with foreigners, or write elegant business emails? Without specific criteria, this goal becomes a bottomless pit, making us constantly feel “not good enough,” eventually leading to frustration and abandonment.
• Positive Example: A more powerful goal is: “I want to be able to watch any episode of ‘Friends’ without subtitles within six months and be able to retell three of its jokes.” This goal is extremely specific; it gives you a clear target. You know what you should do daily (intensive listening, shadowing, learning idioms), and how to check your progress.

M - Measurable: Make progress visible

If progress cannot be measured, we easily fall into self-doubt. Measurable standards are like “experience points” in a game; they clearly show you that every effort you make is accumulating energy for your upgrade.

• Negative Example: “I want to become more outgoing.” This is an immeasurable goal. Does saying one more sentence today count as more outgoing? Does attending one more gathering count? This vagueness leaves you constantly feeling uncertain.
• Positive Example: “In the next month, I will proactively invite a colleague to lunch once a week and actively share a fun weekend story during the gathering.” See, this goal becomes completely measurable. If you achieve it, you check it off, and that tangible sense of accomplishment will motivate you to continue.

A - Achievable: Reach on tiptoes, not gaze at the stars

Goals should be challenges that you can “reach on tiptoes,” not distant fantasies. A good goal should inspire a belief of “I can do it,” not the despair of “this is impossible.”

• Negative Example: A beginner runner sets a goal to “run a marathon within a month.” This is an almost impossible task, which will only lead to physical injury and loss of confidence.
• Positive Example: A more reasonable goal is: “Complete three 3-kilometer slow runs this week, and try a 5-kilometer run next week.” This gradual, achievable goal allows you to build a self-identity of “I am a runner” through each small success.

R - Relevant: Ensure this is “your” desire, not someone else’s script

This is a very profound question. Are many of the goals we pursue truly what we want? Or are they what our parents, partners, or society expects us to want? If a goal is not relevant to your deepest values, then you are spending your life playing someone else’s role.

• Negative Example: I read a case about a lawyer in a book; he was excellent at his job, earned a high income, and was considered an absolute elite by outsiders. But privately, he told his therapist that he felt his life was bleak. Because “becoming a lawyer” was his father’s goal, and he was indoctrinated from a young age that “this is the best path.” He put all his effort into achieving this goal, but felt like an actor in an ill-fitting costume, filled with a sense of detachment.
• Positive Example: After psychological counseling, he began to explore his true passion—woodworking. He didn’t immediately quit his job, but set a goal to “complete a small piece of furniture with my own hands in my garage every weekend.” This seemingly “unconventional” goal allowed him to rediscover a long-lost, heartfelt joy and satisfaction. Because it was highly relevant to his inner values of “creating beauty and enjoying tranquility.”

T - Time-bound: Draw a deadline for your commitment

A goal without a time limit is like a check without an expiry date; it will never be cashed. A deadline is not a pressure, but a commitment; it creates a healthy sense of urgency that transforms our ideas into action.

• Negative Example: “I’ll write a book someday.” This is a typical goal that will never be achieved. Because “someday” equals “never.”
• Positive Example: “I will complete the first draft of this book by December 31st this year. To do this, I will dedicate 9 AM to 12 PM every Saturday for writing for the next six months.” This goal has a clear overall deadline and an actionable process timeline, making the entire plan real and serious.

E - Ecologically sound: Is your goal at war with your entire life?

This is the most wise and compassionate aspect of the PE-SMART principle, and the blind spot most easily overlooked by traditional goal-setting methods. It requires us to act like an ecologist, examining what impact a new species (your goal) will have once introduced into your complex life “ecosystem.” Will it disrupt your existing balance? Will it harm other species in this system (your health, family, inner peace)?

• Negative Example: A startup veteran named Mingxuan, in one of his sharing sessions, mentioned his early failures. He once set a goal for himself to “increase company revenue tenfold within a year.” To achieve this, he slept only four hours a day, canceled all gatherings with family and friends, ate extremely irregularly, and became increasingly irritable. By year-end, he miraculously approached his goal, but his body broke down, his wife filed for divorce, and his friends gradually distanced themselves. He won the battle but lost the entire war. His goal severely disrupted the “ecological balance” of his life.
• Positive Example: After this painful lesson, Mingxuan redefined his goal: “Lead the team to make the company’s core business number one in the regional market, while ensuring I spend at least two evenings a week with my family and get 7 hours of sleep daily.” This new goal might not be as “grand” in terms of numbers, but it is a healthy, sustainable goal. It acknowledges that career success is only one part of the complex ecosystem of a good life, not the entirety.

When you use these seven dimensions to re-examine and refine your goals, you will find that the process itself is a profound self-dialogue. You are no longer blindly rushing towards a distant peak, but before setting off, you have carefully checked the map, calibrated the compass, and ensured that this path is truly where you want to go, and that you can walk it with joy and peace of mind.

“Goal Setting Workshop”: Taming Your “Monster” with Your Own Hands

Now, let’s move from theory to practice. Please take out a piece of paper and a pen, or open a blank document. Together, we will conduct a deep “PE-SMART” transformation for the goal you currently want to achieve most, or that causes you the most anxiety.

Step One: Capture Your “Monster”

Write down your most raw, unprocessed goal. No matter how vague or grand it is, write it down first. Example: “I want to be more successful.”

Step Two: PE-SMART Seven-Step Refinement

Now, we will use seven questions to transform this “monster” into your “mount,” step by step.

1. Positive Transformation (P): What is the opposite of “not wanting”? When you achieve this goal, what specific, positive state do you “want”? Transformation: “I want to become a respected and influential expert in my professional field.”

2. Specific Description (S): What exactly does this “respected expert” look like? What kind of things would he/she do? What would he/she say? Transformation: “I want to speak as a guest at least once at a top industry summit within the next two years, sharing my original insights.”

3. Measurable Evidence (M): How will you know you’ve achieved it? What measurable evidence will there be? Transformation: “I hope my speech attracts over 200 attendees and I receive at least 10 positive feedbacks or networking requests from peers afterwards.”

4. Achievability Assessment (A): Based on your current resources and capabilities, is this goal realistic? If it feels too difficult, how can you adjust it to a “tip-toes” version? Transformation (if too difficult): “I hope to give at least three thematic presentations within the company or at small industry salons within the next year, and receive positive feedback from colleagues.”

5. Relevance to Values (R): What is truly important to you personally about achieving this goal? What deep desire within you does it fulfill? Answer (self-exploration): “It fulfills my desire for ‘knowledge sharing’ and ‘value creation,’ which excites me more than ‘being respected’ itself.”

6. Time-bound Commitment (T): When do you plan to start? When do you plan to finish? What is your first smallest action step towards this? Transformation: “Starting next week, I will dedicate two hours weekly to systematically organize my knowledge base and look for suitable sharing opportunities. The overall goal deadline is one year.”

7. Ecological Check (E): What will you need to invest (time, energy) to achieve this goal? What impact will it have on your health, family, and social life? Are you willing to accept these “costs”? Are there any adjustments needed to make it more “ecologically friendly”? Adjustment: “I commit that the time spent preparing for presentations will not encroach upon my fixed weekend family time. If weekdays are too busy, I would rather extend the goal deadline than sacrifice family time.”

Step Three: Your “New Mount” is Born

Write down the final refined statement clearly. Final Goal: “Within the next year, without impacting my family life, by dedicating fixed time weekly to study and prepare, I will complete at least three high-quality thematic presentations within the company or at industry salons, thereby fulfilling my desire to share knowledge and create value.”

Compare this new goal with your initial “I want to be more successful.” Do you feel the difference? The former was a monster you couldn’t tackle, while the latter is a docile, magnificent steed that you know how to ride and where it will take you.

Introducing New Concepts: “Anti-Goals” and “Process Goals”

In the journey of taming goals, there are two very clever auxiliary tools.

• Anti-Goal: This concept, proposed by writer Andrew Wilkinson, is centered on: before setting what you want, first clearly define what you don’t want. This is like clearly marking all the swamps, cliffs, and snake-infested areas on a map before an expedition.

  For example, before setting career goals, first list your “anti-goal checklist”:

  • I don’t want a job that requires me to be on call 24/7.
  • I don’t want to work in a backstabbing, negative environment.
  • I don’t want to do a job that has no value to society, just purely for money.

  Clearly knowing what to avoid gives you a stronger sense of direction when choosing “what you want” goals, making it less likely to stray off course.

• Process Goal: When we face a very long-term goal whose outcome is not entirely within our control (like “writing a book” or “starting a successful business”), focusing only on the final outcome can easily lead to anxiety and discouragement. A process goal shifts your attention from the distant, uncontrollable “result” to the present, completely controllable “action.”

  • Outcome Goal: “I want my website to reach one million visitors within a year.” (The outcome is largely influenced by external factors like market and algorithms, which can cause anxiety.)
  • Process Goal: “I commit to publishing two high-quality articles per week that genuinely help my readers, for the next year.” (This process is 100% within your control.)

  When you focus on executing a good “process,” a good “result” often naturally follows. More importantly, it transforms you from a prisoner anxiously awaiting a “verdict” into a craftsman enjoying the act of “weaving” stitch by stitch. Your satisfaction comes from each effort you make, not from an uncertain future.

Through PE-SMART refinement, supplemented by “anti-goals” for hazard identification and “process goals” for focus, we now possess a complete and powerful “beast-taming art.” We are no longer the breathless escapee chased by goals; we have become an elegant rider, enjoying the dance with our desires.

We have learned how to clear inner chaos and how to control our goals. But there is one more crucial, and most easily overlooked, battlefield that requires our attention. That is our body—our most loyal companion, carrying all our stress, anxiety, fatigue, and hope.

CHAPTER THREE: The Body’s SOS Signals: Three Instant Pressure Relief Valves

After clearing our mental desktop and taming the goal monster, we might feel much better. We have a clear map and a docile mount, seemingly ready to embark immediately. But wait, we seem to have forgotten one of the most important, and most easily overlooked, things—our mode of transport itself, our body.

Even the most skilled race car driver cannot win a race if their car’s engine overheats, tires are worn, and fuel tank is empty. Similarly, no matter how ambitious a person is, if their body is chronically under high pressure and fatigue, they cannot go far.

Chronic mental stress is never just a “head” problem. It’s a real, profound physiological response. When we consistently feel anxious, worried, or overwhelmed, our body enters an ancient “fight or flight” mode. Adrenaline and cortisol (a stress hormone) are continuously secreted, heart rate speeds up, breathing becomes shallow, and muscles tense. This state is life-saving when facing short-term dangers (like avoiding a tiger), but if maintained long-term, it’s like letting a car constantly idle in high gear, greatly and irreversibly depleting all our energy reserves.

Eventually, the body sends us distress signals in its own language. These signals may manifest as: persistent shoulder and neck pain, inexplicable gastrointestinal discomfort, continuous fatigue, insomnia, palpitations, and even frequent colds due to weakened immunity.

Sadly, we often ignore these signals. We attribute shoulder and neck pain to poor posture, stomach aches to lunch, and fatigue to “being too busy lately.” We use painkillers, antacids, and caffeine to try and silence these annoying “warning lights,” without checking the “engine” that has long been running hot.

In this chapter, we will learn how to re-read our body’s “dashboard” and how to use three inherent, yet long-forgotten, “instant pressure relief valves.” They can help us switch our body from the “fight or flight” red alert mode back to the “rest and digest” green safe mode in an instant.

The Scientific Metaphor of Mind-Body Connection: Your Body is a Loyal “Dashboard”

Imagine your body as the cockpit of a high-precision car. It has various dashboards:

• Heart Rate Monitor: Shows your current “speed.” Is it a steady 60, or a racing 120?
• Breath Depth Gauge: Shows your “fuel consumption.” Is it a deep, fuel-efficient cruising mode, or a shallow, fuel-guzzling acceleration mode?
• Muscle Tension Gauge: Shows the status of your “suspension system.” Is it relaxed and flexible, or stiff and tense from bumpy roads?
• “Cortisol” Warning Light: This light is usually off, but when you are under chronic stress, it starts flashing, warning you that the “engine” is about to overheat.

Most of the time, we only stare at the “goals” outside the car window (road signs) and completely ignore our dashboard. We let the engine roar and the warning lights flash until one day, the car completely breaks down on the road.

The wisdom of NLP and many modern psychological schools lies in discovering that this “dashboard” can not only “display” status but also “regulate” status. That is, we can directly change the entire car’s operating mode by manually adjusting the readings on the dashboard.

For example, you cannot directly order your brain “not to be nervous,” but you can force the entire system to switch from “acceleration mode” to “cruising mode” by manually adjusting the “breath depth gauge” (i.e., changing your breathing pattern). This is the core principle of the three valves we are about to learn: bypassing the disobedient brain through the body to directly control our emotional and stress states.

Valve One: The Duet of Breath — Your Portable “Emotional Remote Control”

Breath is the most powerful and direct tool connecting our conscious and subconscious, mind and body. It’s like an emotional remote control; the “button” you press determines the “channel” playing within you.

• Reverse Abdominal Breathing (Power Channel): Use this when you need strength, courage, and focus (e.g., before a speech, an important negotiation).

  • Method: Imagine a pump in your abdomen. When you inhale, powerfully tighten your abdomen, feeling strength gather towards your body’s center; when you exhale, relax your abdomen, letting the air release naturally. This breathing method activates our sympathetic nervous system, putting the body into an active “ready for battle” state. You can visualize inhaling golden, energetic air with each breath.

• Diaphragmatic Breathing (Calm Channel): Use this when you need to relax, calm down, and relieve anxiety (e.g., before sleep, when feeling agitated).

  • Method: Opposite to the above. When you inhale, slowly and consciously let your abdomen expand like a balloon. This allows the diaphragm to descend maximally, effectively activating the parasympathetic nervous system responsible for “relaxation”; when you exhale, let your abdomen naturally contract, the slower and longer the process, the better. The key is not “force,” but “slowness and length.”

In addition to these two basic methods, there are two “special effect” buttons you can use in specific scenarios:

• Box Breathing: This is a technique used by US Navy SEALs to maintain calm under extreme pressure; it quickly balances our nervous system.

  • Method: Imagine a square box. Inhale, count 4 seconds; hold breath, count 4 seconds; exhale, count 4 seconds; hold breath again, count 4 seconds. Repeat this cycle. This method is very suitable for quickly regaining a sense of centeredness and calm before a meeting or a conflict.

• 4-7-8 Breathing: Popularized by Dr. Andrew Weil, it’s called “the nervous system’s natural tranquilizer,” highly effective for aiding sleep.

  • Method: Inhale through your nose, count 4 seconds; then, hold your breath, count 7 seconds; finally, exhale completely through your mouth with a “whoosh” sound, count 8 seconds. Repeat 3-4 times. This technique strongly activates the parasympathetic nervous system by extending the exhalation time, allowing the entire body to deeply relax.

Valve Two: “Borrowed” Strength — Instantly Access Any Quality You Need

Sometimes, what we lack is not logic, but a “feeling.” For example, we know we should be confident, but we just can’t find that “confident” feeling within our body. NLP’s “Borrowing Strength” technique is a very magical tool that allows us to quickly “install” any quality we need, like downloading software from the cloud.

Its core is “Modelling.” Our brain has a miraculous ability: when we vividly imagine ourselves becoming someone, our nervous system actually produces similar physiological and emotional responses to him/her.

• Case Study: Designer Xiaoya’s “Mentor Possession” Xiaoya was a talented but introverted young designer. She was about to face a crucial presentation that would determine her career, presenting her design proposal to a group of very demanding clients. She had prepared for weeks; the proposal itself was impeccable, but the thought of standing on stage, facing those scrutinizing eyes, made her palms sweat and heart race. Her greatest fear was that her “lack of confidence” would ruin her best work.

  Under my guidance, she performed a “Borrowing Strength” exercise. I asked her: “In your world, who do you consider the most confident person, someone who excels under pressure?” She answered without hesitation: “My mentor, Professor Chen. When he stands on stage, he’s like a glowing sculpture, steady, wise, unshaken by any sharp question.” I said: “Good, now please close your eyes. Imagine Professor Chen standing in front of you. See his appearance, what clothes he’s wearing, what his eyes look like, is there a faint smile on his lips?” Xiaoya nodded. “Now, imagine stepping forward and ‘borrowing’ that ‘steadiness and wisdom’ from Professor Chen’s body. It might be a color, like deep blue; or a texture, like warm cashmere; or just a pure feeling. When you feel it, take a deep breath and fully inhale it into your body.每一次吸气，都让这份深蓝色的、温暖的沉稳感，充满你身体的每一个细胞。” Xiaoya took several deep breaths, and her shoulders visibly relaxed. I said: “Excellent. Now, please open your eyes and look at me with Professor Chen’s gaze.” The moment she opened her eyes, I truly saw an unusual, calm glow in them.

  The next day, Xiaoya’s presentation was a great success. She told me that when she stood on stage, she simply told herself: “Now, I am Professor Chen.” And then, the nervousness that used to terrify her truly disappeared.

Multiple Forms of “Borrowing Strength”

The beauty of “Borrowing Strength” lies in its infinite possibilities.

• Borrowing from your future self: If you feel lost and lack confidence, imagine your future self ten years from now, having successfully achieved your goals, wise and powerful. What would he/she want to say to your present self? What advice and encouragement would he/she give you? Imagine merging with him/her, using future wisdom to examine current difficulties.
• Borrowing from nature: If you feel inner turmoil, go to a park and find the oldest, strongest-looking tree. Imagine your feet growing roots, deeply embedding themselves in the earth, drawing in the earth’s tranquility and stability. Imagine your body as the tree trunk, unmoving regardless of wind and rain. This exercise can quickly help us regain a sense of “grounding.”

Valve Three: Advanced Application of “Emotional Palette” — Changing the Past, Reshaping the Future

Our emotions are often not determined by events themselves, but by our “interpretation” of events. And our “interpretations” are stored in the brain as “internal maps” composed of images, sounds, and feelings. NLP’s “Emotional Palette” technique teaches us how to edit these “internal maps” like a film editor, thereby completely changing our emotional responses.

• Reframing: This is the most basic editing technique. It comes in two types:

  • Meaning Reframing: Changing your perception of the meaning of an event.
    • Example: A failed project presentation.
    • Old frame (causes pain): “I’m such a failure; I messed everything up.”
    • New frame (brings growth): “This failure exposed blind spots in my preparation; it’s an extremely valuable learning opportunity that will help me do better next time.”
  • Context Reframing: Finding the positive value of a seemingly negative trait or behavior in another context.
    • Example: You feel you are “too stubborn.”
    • Old frame (causes trouble): “I always argue with others because I’m too stubborn.”
    • New frame (brings strength): “When everyone else wanted to give up, it was this ‘stubbornness’ that made me persevere to the end and achieve a breakthrough.”

• Submodality Change: This is a more advanced, magical technique. It directly acts on the “format” of our memories, rather than their content.

Imagine you have a memory in your mind that makes you feel particularly anxious or sad. Now, we’re going to adjust its “layer properties” as if using Photoshop.

• Guided Exercise: Turning a “Painful Movie” into a “Boring Black and White Photo”
  1. Concretize: Close your eyes and imagine that unpleasant memory as a color movie playing in front of you, with sound and plot. Fully feel the negative emotions it brings you.
  2. Distance: Now, imagine reaching out and slowly, slowly pushing this movie screen away. The further you push it, the smaller it becomes. Push it until it’s at a safe, comfortable distance for you.
  3. Adjust Color: Turn down the saturation of this color movie to the lowest setting, making it an old, grainy black and white film.
  4. Eliminate Sound: Turn off the movie’s volume, or add funny, incongruous background music (like circus music).
  5. Freeze Frame: Freeze the movie on the most uncomfortable frame for you, then imagine this “photo” starting to shatter, like glass, eventually turning into a pile of dust that scatters with the wind.
  6. Implant Beauty: In the blank space after the dust disperses, implant an image that makes you feel peaceful, happy, or empowered (e.g., a clear blue ocean, or a moment of success). Let this beautiful image fill your entire vision.

After doing this exercise, try to recall that unpleasant memory again. You’ll be surprised to find that you still remember what happened, but the intense emotional impact it had on you has significantly diminished, or even disappeared. You haven’t deleted the memory; you’ve just changed the way it’s “stored” in your mind.

Through these three valves—the breath remote control, borrowed strength, and the emotional palette—we can gain a powerful ability: at any moment, to switch ourselves from an out-of-control, passive “stress reactor” to a composed, proactive “state manager.”

This is no mysterious magic; it’s simply rediscovering our innate ability to communicate with our own bodies, which we’ve forgotten amidst the clamor of modern life.

However, tactical adjustments can only treat the symptoms. When we find ourselves needing to use these “first aid” tools again and again, perhaps it’s time to ask ourselves a deeper question: Why does my ship always sail into the storm zone?

This is the strategic question about life’s direction that we will explore in the next part.

PART TWO: STRATEGY - Recalibrating Life’s Compass

If “Part One: Tactics” was a “High-Pressure Survival First Aid Manual,” then “Part Two: Strategy” is more like a “Life Navigation Chart Drawing Guide.”

First aid can keep us alive when we’re drowning. But if we find ourselves repeatedly drowning in the same spot, the problem might not be our swimming technique, but rather that the route we’ve chosen is inherently full of hidden reefs and whirlpools.

Mastering even the most sophisticated stress-reduction techniques can only temporarily alleviate symptoms. If we don’t fundamentally examine the “goal” itself that continuously generates pressure, then our life will become an endless game of “whack-a-mole”—we frantically knock down one popping pressure, only for another to quietly rise elsewhere.

In this part, we will shift from “how to row more effectively” to the more fundamental question, which also requires more courage to face: “Is the direction I’m sailing in inherently correct?” We will learn how to calibrate life’s compass, how to listen to our inner voice, and how to make choices truly loyal to ourselves at life’s crossroads.

CHAPTER FOUR: Soul-Searching at the Crossroads: Is This Truly Where I Want to Go?

A few years ago, I read a post about alumnus Bowen on an alumni forum that left a lasting impression. Bowen was widely recognized as one of the most “driven” people. In five years, almost self-destructively, he climbed from an ordinary employee to a department director. During these five years, he sacrificed his health, his relationships, and almost all his personal life. In the post’s description, he was like a solitary mountaineer who finally reached the peak he had dreamed of.

The poster was his colleague, who attended his promotion celebration. The colleague wrote that everyone at the party toasted Bowen, praising his resilience and success. He smiled, as polite as ever, but the poster caught a fleeting, unmistakable emptiness in his eyes.

The climax of the story happened after the party. Bowen gave the colleague a ride home. In the car, he suddenly pulled over, remained silent for a long time, and then said something that left a lasting impression on both the colleague and me: “I won, but why do I feel like I’ve lost everything?”

The post described Bowen telling his colleague that when he received the appointment letter with the title “Department Director,” the ecstatic joy he had anticipated never came. Instead, he felt an immense, boundless fatigue and confusion. “I was like someone chasing the horizon,” he said, “I thought if I ran fast enough, I could catch it. But when I actually reached that position, I found the horizon was still far ahead, and I no longer had the strength to run.”

Bowen’s story goes a step further than Chenyu’s “burnout.” Chenyu felt despair halfway up the climb, while Bowen reached the summit only to discover it wasn’t the view he wanted.

This forces us to confront an extremely profound, even somewhat subversive possibility: the long-held belief that “loss of motivation is a problem” might itself be wrong.

“Loss of Motivation” as Wisdom: Feedback from Your Inner System

In our culture, “loss of motivation” is almost synonymous with “failure,” “laziness,” or “lack of willpower.” It’s a “flaw” that needs to be overcome and fixed. We use every method to try and restart that stalled engine, yet few stop to ask: Could the engine stalling be the car’s only way of warning me?

In cybernetics, there’s a core concept called “feedback.” A system, whether a thermostat or a living organism, needs to adjust itself through feedback to maintain balance. When a room is too hot, the air conditioner’s temperature sensor provides “feedback,” causing the compressor to start working.

Now, let’s view ourselves as an extremely precise living system composed of body, emotions, thoughts, and soul. From this perspective, what exactly is the phenomenon of “loss of motivation”?

It’s not a “system malfunction”; it’s precisely a sign of “normal system operation.”

It’s an extremely valuable, extremely important “feedback signal.” It’s our inner system sounding the loudest, most undeniable alarm to warn us. What is this warning saying?

It might be saying: “Overload warning! Current speed far exceeds the engine’s rated power; continuing like this will cause the entire system to collapse.” This corresponds to Chenyu’s situation, a severe depletion of physical and mental energy.

It might also be saying: “Wrong course! The current trajectory is severely deviating from this system’s preset core values and life needs. Request immediate recalibration of the compass!” This corresponds precisely to Bowen’s dilemma. His system completed the task, but found that completing it did not bring the anticipated “energy replenishment” (satisfaction and happiness), but rather caused a more severe “energy deficit.”

So, when we feel a “loss of motivation,” the first reaction should not be panic and self-blame, and certainly not blindly “pumping ourselves up.” Instead, it should be a “listening” with curiosity and respect.

We should be like an experienced engineer who, upon seeing a warning light on the dashboard, doesn’t smash the light, but bends down to carefully inspect the engine, listening to its noises, trying to understand what is truly happening behind this warning.

Life’s “Hadrian’s Wall”: Conquest’s End is Stewardship

In ancient Roman history, there was an emperor named Trajan. He was a great conqueror; under his rule, the Roman Empire reached its territorial peak. He was like the typical successful individuals in our culture, always expanding, always conquering.

However, his successor, Emperor Hadrian, made a decision that, at the time, seemed very “passive,” even somewhat “cowardly.” He halted almost all foreign expansion and instead built the world-renowned “Hadrian’s Wall” on the empire’s borders.

At the time, this was tantamount to betraying Rome’s “great glory.” But from the perspective of historical long-term, it was an extremely profound, strategically wise retreat. Hadrian acutely realized that endless warfare, like a never-ending fever, was draining the empire’s manpower, resources, and spirit. Rome, this giant beast, had become fragile due to its overly vast body and extended supply lines.

What he chose was no longer how to “fight” more effectively, but how to “exist” for longer. He redefined Rome’s great undertaking from “endlessly conquering the world” to “guarding existing civilization and peace.” He abandoned an old goal that seemed grand and magnificent but was hollowing out the empire, establishing a new goal that was more sustainable and aligned with the empire’s core interests.

This story is a metaphor for each of our lives.

In our youth, we are all like Trajan, eager to conquer, eager to expand the territory of our lives. We want higher positions, bigger houses, more wealth, broader networks. This is understandable.

But when, in the process of pursuing these “grand goals,” we experience a persistent, unrelieved “loss of motivation,” perhaps this is the moment our inner “Emperor Hadrian” ascends the throne.

This is our inner wisdom reminding us: it’s time to stop unnecessary expansion. It’s time to check whether, in our efforts to develop those distant, barren “provinces” (goals we don’t truly desire), we have allowed our “capital” (our physical and mental health, family relationships, inner peace) to become empty and desolate.

Do we also need to build a “Hadrian’s Wall” for our own lives?

This wall represents our boundaries, our bottom lines, the core values we are willing to protect. It means learning to say “no” to seemingly tempting opportunities that would overly exhaust us; it means shifting from pursuing “more” to safeguarding “better”; it means understanding that a person’s strength lies not only in how much they can conquer, but also in knowing what they need to protect.

Multiple Metaphors: Discovering New Continents in “Giving Up” and “Pivoting”

Our culture often regards “perseverance” as the highest virtue and equates “giving up” with failure. But throughout history and literature, the greatest turning points often occur in those seemingly “failed” acts of giving up and pivoting.

• Columbus’s “Mistake”: Columbus believed until his death that he had reached India. His initial goal was to find a new route to the East; from this perspective, he “failed.” But his “mistaken” pivot led him to unexpectedly discover a whole new continent. Sometimes, when we cling to a goal in vain and are ultimately forced to “give up” or “pivot,” perhaps fate is preparing to present us with an unexpected, broader landscape.

• Frodo’s “Abandonment”: The greatness of “The Lord of the Rings” lies in its ultimate climax not being about what the hero gains, but what the hero gives up. Frodo’s ultimate mission was not to possess the Ring of Power, but to endure countless hardships to cast it into the fires of Mount Doom. This story tells us that sometimes, the greatest growth comes not from “getting,” but from “letting go.” Letting go of that “Ring of Power” (which might be an unhealthy goal, a toxic relationship, or a false self-identity) that we have clung to for so long, and which continuously corrodes our inner self, is itself a victory.

Inner Dialogue Theater: The Clash of “Ambition” and “Fatigue”

To more vividly experience this inner struggle, let’s raise the curtain and watch a play that might unfold within everyone’s heart.

• Characters:

  • Ambitious General: Dressed in armor, wielding a sword, his gaze always fixed on the distant mountaintop. His lines are filled with “should,” “must,” and “cannot stop.”
  • Exhausted Soldier: Rags on his back, stumbling, his eyes filled with weariness and longing. His lines are filled with “I’m so tired,” “why,” and “I want to go home.”

• Act One

  • General: (Waving his sword, pointing afar) “Soldier, look! That highest peak! We must capture it before sunset! It is our mission!”
  • Soldier: (Slumped on the ground, gasping) “General… we have already crossed ten mountains. My legs feel like lead, my throat is parched. We why must we capture that mountain? It looks no different from the ones we just climbed.”
  • General: (Frowning) “It’s an order! Don’t ask why! Do you want to be a deserter? Think of our honor! Think of others’ ridicule!”

• Act Two

  • Soldier: (Lifting his head, a hint of defiance in his eyes for the first time) “Honor… whose honor? General, I’ve never seen you smile. You’ve captured so many peaks, yet the lines on your face grow deeper. Are you truly happy?”
  • General: (Startled, his sword-holding hand trembling slightly) “I… my happiness is victory.”
  • Soldier: “But my happiness is the sound of the stream at the foot of the mountain, the songs of my comrades by the campfire. General, do you remember those sounds? Or are your ears only filled with the wind and the drums of war?”

• Act Three

  • General: (Gazing at his hands for a long time, then slowly lowering his sword) “Soldier… perhaps… you are right. Perhaps what we truly need is not to capture the next peak. But to sit by the stream, build a fire, and properly… rest.”

This play has no right or wrong. The General’s “ambition” is our driving force; the Soldier’s “fatigue” is our life’s protective mechanism. A healthy inner system is not about the General always suppressing the Soldier, nor the Soldier completely giving up resistance, but about the General and the Soldier finally being able to sit down and reach a reconciliation.

Socio-Psychological Perspective: Breaking Free from the Invisible Chains of “Should”

Our “inner General,” much of the time, speaks not from our own heart, but acts as a “mouthpiece” for societal, familial, and peer pressure.

• The Tyranny of “Should”: From a young age, we are taught that we “should” go to a good university, find a good job, get married and have children before thirty, buy a car and a house… These social clocks and success templates act like an invisible conveyor belt, transporting us to a “seemingly correct” destination. We rarely have the opportunity to stop and ask ourselves: Is this truly where I want to go?

• The Trap of “Sunk Costs”: When we’ve invested a lot of time, money, and emotion into something, it’s very difficult to give up, even if we later realize it’s wrong. Because giving up means admitting that all past efforts were “wasted.” This is the “sunk cost fallacy.” Like Bowen, he invested five years of his youth in that wrong career path; turning back would mean denying the value of his past five years, which requires immense courage.

Exploring the “Meaning of Life”: Your Ultimate “Why”

Austrian psychologist Viktor Frankl, a Holocaust survivor, founded “logotherapy” after witnessing countless human tragedies. He discovered that in equally extreme and harsh environments, those who survived were often not the physically strongest, but those who found a “meaning in life”—even if that meaning was just “to see family again” or “to write down their experiences to warn future generations.”

Frankl taught us that the most fundamental human drive does not come from the pursuit of pleasure or the avoidance of pain, but from the search for “meaning.”

Therefore, at life’s crossroads, when we feel lost and demotivated, the most important question to ask ourselves is that ultimate “why.”

• Does your current goal serve a larger meaning in life that you identify with, something bigger than yourself?
• Does it make you feel inwardly fulfilled and peaceful when alone at night?
• If today were the last day of your life, looking back, would you be proud of having spent your time on this?

Answering these questions is not easy. It requires us to strip away all external noise and internal fears, to touch our most authentic, most vulnerable core.

This is the journey we will explore in the next chapter: how to listen to inner whispers, and how, amidst the clamor, to discern our own unique life course.

CHAPTER FIVE: Listening to Inner Whispers: The Wisdom of Intuition, Body, and Subconscious

In the previous chapter, at life’s crossroads, we asked the groundbreaking question: “Is this truly where I want to go?” We realized that “loss of motivation” might not be a malfunction, but a signal of wisdom.

However, a new, more thorny problem arises: when we decide to listen to our inner voice, what we often hear is not a clear, resonant “oracle,” but a cacophony of noisy, chaotic, and even contradictory “voices.”

• One voice says: “Quit this job that makes you miserable! Life is too short to waste like this!”
• Another voice immediately jumps in to refute: “Don’t be silly! What will you eat if you quit? Who will pay next month’s mortgage? This is irresponsible escapism!”
• A faint voice deep in the heart says: “I seem to be… very interested in gardening.”
• A sharp voice immediately mocks: “Oh please! How old are you to still be so naive? Can gardening put food on the table? Stop daydreaming!”

In this chaotic “inner marketplace,” which voice represents our true desire’s “wisdom whisper”? And which is merely a “panic scream” stemming from our fears, inertia, and insecurity? If we cannot distinguish them, then “listening to our inner self” might only lead us from one anxiety into a deeper chaos.

In this chapter, our core task is to learn to become a qualified “inner voice discriminator.” We will learn how to filter out noise, amplify signals, and ultimately understand our most authentic voice, which has long been suppressed by rationality, social norms, and fear. This voice often signals to us not through language, but through our intuition, body, and dreams.

Distinguishing “Wisdom” from “Noise”: Your Inner Signal Reception Guide

Imagine you have an old radio, and you’re trying to tune into a distant, faint station. You need to be very focused to discern that truly melodious tune amidst the static. Our “wisdom whisper” is like that distant station, and “panic scream” is that annoying static. They have essential differences in “timbre,” “volume,” and “content.”

Characteristics of “Panic Screams” (Noise):

1. Timbre and Volume: It is usually sharp, jarring, repetitive, and loud. It’s like an anxious, nagging overseer constantly in your ear, giving you no peace. It will make you feel contracted, tense, and your heart race.
2. Core Driver: Its underlying logic is always fear. Fear of failure, fear of the unknown, fear of judgment, fear of not being accepted, fear of not surviving. Its starting point is to keep you “safe,” but this safety comes at the cost of “staying put, not taking risks.”
3. Language Pattern: It likes to use catastrophizing, absolute words. For example, “You’ll never be able to do it,” “You’ll definitely fail,” “Things are always this bad,” “Everyone will laugh at you.” Its thinking is black and white.
4. Time Dimension: It either dwells on the past (“You failed like that last time!”) or catastrophizes the future (“If you quit, you’ll end up on the streets!”). It rarely focuses on the present.

Characteristics of “Wisdom Whispers” (Signal):

1. Timbre and Volume: It is usually calm, gentle, clear, and low-volume. It’s more like a “feeling” or a sudden, “I just know it’s right” thought, rather than a nagging voice. It doesn’t force you; it’s quietly there, waiting to be discovered. When you connect with it, you’ll feel a sense of openness, expansiveness, and tranquility.
2. Core Driver: Its underlying logic is love and growth. It points to your deepest desires, your curiosity, your values. It encourages you to experience, explore, and become your more complete self.
3. Language Pattern: Its language is open, full of possibilities, and non-judgmental. It might say: “Perhaps we could try this?” “Is it possible there’s another way?” “Even if it fails, learning from it is good.” It embraces gray areas.
4. Time Dimension: It is deeply rooted in the present. It focuses on: “What feels right in this moment?” “Which path makes me feel more alive?” It believes that if you walk each step of the present well, the future will unfold naturally.

Simply put, noise makes you feel worse, while signals make you feel better—where “better” doesn’t mean fleeting, escapist “good,” but a deeper, “right” feeling after aligning with your soul.

Rebuilding “Mind-Body Connection” Exercises: From “Thinking” Answers to “Feeling” Answers

Knowing how to distinguish, we also need to create a quiet environment for that faint “wisdom whisper” to be heard. This means temporarily stepping out of the “noisy” brain and entering a more reliable, never-lying temple of wisdom—our body.

Here are three specific, long-term practices that can help you rebuild that long-interrupted “mind-body connection.”

Exercise One: Body Wisdom Scan — Mapping Your “Emotional Landscape”

Our body is a vast, intricate memory bank. It records all our unprocessed emotions and stresses throughout life. A tense shoulder might carry too much responsibility; a frequently uncomfortable stomach might have digested too many worries. This exercise teaches us how to read this “body book.”

• Preparation: Find a quiet place, sit or lie down, ensuring you won’t be disturbed for 15 minutes. Close your eyes.
• Guided Process:
  1. Anchor to Breath: Take three long, deep diaphragmatic breaths. Feel the air enter your body and slowly leave. Bring your attention, like a gentle spotlight, to your breath.
  2. Begin Scan: Slowly move your “spotlight” from your breath to the soles of your feet. Just feel, don’t judge. Are your feet cold or warm? Relaxed or tense? What do you feel? Numbness, tingling, or nothing? Whatever it is, just observe it.
  3. Upwards: Then, slowly move your “spotlight” upwards, scanning your ankles, calves, knees, thighs… Pause briefly at each part, feeling with the same curiosity.
  4. Core Area: Next, come to your core area. How does your abdomen feel? Is it relaxed, or tied in knots? What about your chest? Is it open, or is there a heavy, constricted feeling? How is your heart beating?
  5. Energy Center: Then your shoulders, the area most prone to accumulating stress. Feel if your shoulders are relaxed and down, or unconsciously shrugged up, as if resisting something? What about your throat? Is there a lump, as if something wants to be said but can’t?
  6. Thought Headquarters: Finally, come to your face. Is your jaw clenched? Is your brow furrowed? Does your mind feel clear, or like a fog?
  7. Integrate and Thank: After the scan, return to your breath. In your mind, say “thank you” to your body. Thank it for faithfully serving you with these signals. Then, slowly open your eyes.
• Interpreting Signals: After the scan, you can take out a notebook and record your findings. For example: “When I think about my job, I notice my stomach immediately tightens, and my shoulders also become stiff.” This discovery is more valuable than reading a hundred books on career planning. Your body is telling you that your current job, is making your “core system” uncomfortable. It’s not telling you to quit immediately, but it provides a most real and important “data point,” reminding you that you need to pay attention and make adjustments.

Exercise Two: Intuition Journal (Morning Pages) — Dredging the Subconscious Treasures

This method, popularized by writer Julia Cameron in “The Artist’s Way,” has been proven by countless creators and ordinary people to be an extremely powerful tool. Its principle is that when we first wake up in the morning, the brain’s “rational guard” hasn’t fully come online, and the door to the subconscious opens a crack. By writing without thinking, we get a chance to directly bring up things from our subconscious.

• Preparation: A dedicated notebook and pen, kept by your bedside. Do not use a computer; handwriting speed is just right to keep up with the flow of the subconscious, while typing too fast can allow rational thought to intervene.
• Execution: Every morning upon waking, before doing anything else (including checking your phone), immediately pick up your notebook and fill three full pages.
• The Only Rule: Do not stop, do not judge.
  • Write anything. You can write about your dream last night, your plans for today, complain about your boss, or write “I don’t know what to write.” When you get stuck, just repeatedly write “I don’t know what to write I don’t know what to write” until new thoughts emerge.
  • These three pages are not meant for anyone else to read, including yourself. You can even stipulate that you are not allowed to reread them for a month after writing. This maximizes the lowering of your “psychological defenses,” allowing you to write the most authentic things.
• Effect: Persist for a week, a month, or even longer, and you will discover miracles. Those you were unaware of real desires, deep fears, sparks of creativity, will quietly appear in your writing. You will, through your own hand, read letters from your deepest self. Many people, through this exercise, have found new career paths, repaired important relationships, or simply achieved a deeper reconciliation with themselves.

Exercise Three: Dream Revelations — Your “Private Cinema”

Dreams are secret letters written to us by the subconscious. They use symbols, metaphors, and dramatic plots to reveal emotions and conflicts that we suppress and ignore during the day. We don’t need to be professional dream interpreters; we just need to be curious viewers, starting to pay attention to what’s playing in our “private cinema” each night.

• Preparation: Like morning pages, keep a notebook and pen by your bedside.
• Execution:
  1. Pre-sleep Suggestion: Before bed, you can give yourself a gentle mental suggestion: “Tonight, I hope to remember my dreams. I am willing to receive messages from my inner wisdom.”
  2. Record Immediately Upon Waking: As soon as you wake up, while your body is not fully active and your consciousness is still hazy, immediately recall and record any dream fragments you remember. Even if it’s just an image, a feeling, a word. Dream memories are extremely volatile; a minute later, you might not remember anything.
  3. Focus on “Feelings” and “Themes”: When recording, don’t get bogged down by the plot’s logic. More importantly, record the core feeling the dream gave you (was it fear, joy, or confusion?), and any recurring themes or symbols (e.g., do you always dream of taking an exam, or being chased?).
• Interpretation: Don’t consult rigid “dream dictionaries.” The language of dreams is highly personal. The meaning of a symbol for you is completely different from its meaning for someone else. You can try asking yourself:
  • “What person or event in my real life does this ‘monster chasing me’ in the dream remind me of?”
  • “How does the anxiety of not finding the exam room in my dream relate to a feeling I have at work during the day?”
  • “If this dream were a movie, what would its central theme be?”

Through these three exercises—scanning body signals, dredging morning thoughts, and watching night dreams—we establish three stable and reliable “hotlines” for communicating with our inner wisdom.

We no longer solely rely on the biased, fear-filled, noisy brain to “think” about life’s answers. We begin to learn to “feel” the answers with our entire being.

When the next crossroads appears, you may still hear the interference of “noise,” but deep within you, there will be a clearer, calmer compass. It will, through your body, your intuition, and your dreams, gently but firmly point you towards the path that truly makes you feel expansive, peaceful, and vibrant.

PART THREE: INTEGRATION - A Journey of Reconciling with the True Self

After experiencing “emergency self-rescue” at the tactical level and “soul-searching” at the strategic level, we now hold a wealth of valuable clues: we’ve learned how to manage out-of-control emotions, how to set healthy goals, and how to listen to the faint but true voice from deep within.

But this is like a detective who has collected all the evidence, and must finally piece it together to form a complete logical chain, and ultimately act upon it to truly “solve the case.”

“Part Three: Integration” is the “closing argument” and “final action” of our journey of exploration. We will no longer merely analyze and feel, but will learn how to integrate all our inner conflicts, desires, fears, and wisdom into a harmonious, unified, and vibrant whole.

We will receive a detailed, step-by-step “Self-Reconciliation Action Manual” that will guide us in charting our own course through the fog. We will also delve into the ancient art of “fallowing,” a counter to modern “efficiency sickness,” learning how to find the most abundant source of strength in “useless things.”

Ultimately, we will attempt to reach a new perspective, where “pressure,” “goals,” and “motivation”—concepts that once troubled us deeply—will be redefined. We will no longer try to “solve” them, but learn how to coexist and dance with them, just as a river embraces the rocks and whirlpools along its path.

The end of this journey is not a perfect answer, but a new, more compassionate, and freer way of being.

CHAPTER SIX: Charting Your Course: An Action Manual for Inner Harmony

Even the most profound theory, without action to carry it, will ultimately become beautiful, meaningless rhetoric floating in the air. Transforming insights into choices, and choices into solidified actions, is the true moment when all change happens.

In this chapter, we will integrate all our previous thoughts and exercises into a systematic, actionable “Self-Coaching Workshop.” This “Praxis 2.0 Manual” will act like a patient and wise guide, leading you step by step through the inner fog, ultimately marking that clear, resolute, and heartfelt destination on your life’s navigation chart.

Please prepare a dedicated notebook and at least 90 minutes of completely uninterrupted time. This might be the most important investment you make for yourself in the near future.

Step One: The Mandatory Sacred Pause

Before any analysis and decision-making, we must first create a “vacuum.” Because a vessel already filled with noise and pressure cannot hold anything new and clear. The purpose of this step is to “empty the vessel.”

• Action Command: Create Your “Inner Sanctuary”
  1. Physical Isolation: Turn off your phone, computer, and all devices that might send notifications. Tell your family or housemates that for the next 90 minutes, you are in a “very important inner meeting.”
  2. Mental Anchoring: Choose a comfortable posture to sit in. Perform at least five minutes of the “Body Wisdom Scan” exercise (see Chapter Five). This process is like a sailor deeply dropping anchor into the calm seabed before a storm; it helps you remain stable amidst subsequent turbulent thoughts.
  3. Dealing with Inner Resistance: When you try to quiet down, your “panic scream” (that inner overseer) is likely to immediately jump out: “What are you doing wasting time here! That email hasn’t been replied to! That report hasn’t been written!” When this voice appears, do not fight it. Simply tell it gently: “Thank you for the reminder, I know you’re anxious. But now, please allow me to rest for 90 minutes; afterwards, I’ll have more energy to deal with those things.” Acknowledge it, soothe it, and then gently bring your attention back to your breath.

Step Two: Self-Diagnosis Data Collection

Now, your “inner sanctuary” is established. We will begin to collect the most authentic “raw data” about your current life state, like an objective, rigorous scientist.

• Action Command One: Map Your “Body-Emotion Landscape”

  • Draw a simple human outline in your notebook.
  • Close your eyes and clearly, vividly imagine your “grand goal” or current life state that causes you great stress.
  • Then, perform another quick “Body Wisdom Scan.” This time, when you scan any area with a distinct feeling (whether pleasant or uncomfortable), mark it on your human figure with a different colored pen, and write down the keyword for that feeling next to it.
    • For example: In the neck and shoulders, shade with red pen and write “stiff, heavy, responsibility”; in the stomach, draw a vortex with black pen and write “tangled, worried”; in the chest, draw a dark cloud with blue pen and write “suppressed, suffocated”; perhaps in your palms, you can feel a kind of “warmth” of longing to create, mark it with an orange pen.
  • This map is your body’s most intuitive and honest “vote” on your current life.

• Action Command Two: “Zero Expectation” Free Writing

  • Turn to a new page and write down the core question: “If no one had any expectations of me, if I didn’t need to prove anything to anyone… would I still choose to do this / live this kind of life?”
  • Then, give yourself a 15-minute timer and start writing continuously. Use the “Morning Pages” rules: do not stop, do not judge. Pour out all thoughts that come to your mind, no matter how “unconventional” or “impractical,” onto the paper.

• Action Command Three: “Value Prioritization Card” Exercise

  • This is a powerful exercise to help you clarify “what is most important to you.”
  • On 20 small cards (or sticky notes), write down 20 life value words that you consider important. For example: Achievement, Freedom, Family, Health, Peace, Creation, Adventure, Wealth, Friendship, Wisdom, Influence, Love, Fun, Stability…
  • After writing, spread these 20 cards on the table. Now, begin the difficult choice of “one or the other.” Randomly pick up two cards and ask yourself: “If in my life, I could only achieve one of these, and the other had to be completely abandoned, which would I choose?” Put the chosen one aside, and the abandoned one in another pile.
  • Repeat this process until you have finally filtered out your top five most important values in life.
  • Write these five words clearly in your notebook. They are the “North Star” that your life’s compass will always point to.

Step Three: The Crossroads of Strategic Decision

After collecting the data, we arrive at the most crucial decision-making moment. Now, looking at your “body-emotion map,” the content of your “free writing,” and your final five core values, make a clear, unambiguous choice for your “grand goal.”

• Action Command: Draw Your “Cost and Benefit” Analysis Chart
  • Draw a T-shaped table in your notebook. The left column title is “Achievements Built (Benefits),” and the right column title is “Empire’s Depletion (Costs).”
  • In the “Benefits” column, write down all the advantages this goal will bring you once achieved.
  • In the “Costs” column, honestly write down all the costs you have paid and will pay for this goal (refer to your body map and core values, e.g., “Cost is inner peace,” “Cost is sacrificing time with family”).
  • Look at this chart and ask yourself: “Is this transaction worth it?”

Now, based on all the above analysis, force yourself to choose one of the following three clear paths as your next direction of action.

• Path A: Persevere - Optimize Tactics, Move Forward

  • Who it’s for: You confirm that the current goal is highly aligned with your core values, and achieving it brings you great satisfaction. The pressure you feel mainly stems from improper methods, poor energy management, or temporary difficulties. Although your body map shows discomfort, deep down you still have a “warm” yearning for this goal.
  • Next Action: Congratulations, your inner self is unified. Now, immediately return to Part One: Tactics, and systematically, proactively apply all the tools there—Thought Card Sorting, PE-SMART Goal Refinement, Breathing Valves, Borrowing Strength, Emotional Palette—to your work and life. You no longer need to doubt; you just need to fight smarter and healthier.

• Path B: Pivot - Recalibrate Compass, Find a New Course

  • Who it’s for: You discover that the goal you are pursuing, while its underlying “desire” (e.g., desire for recognition, joy of creation, inner peace) is real and important, this specific goal is the wrong or inefficient “vehicle” for achieving that desire. It severely violates one of your core values, or lights up too many red flags on your body map.
  • Next Action: Your task is to design a new, healthier goal for your unchanging “core desire.”
    1. Define Core Desire: Clearly write down in one sentence: “What I truly want is… (e.g., the feeling of being recognized / the joy of creating / inner peace).”
    2. New Goal Brainstorm: Brainstorm at least ten different forms of goals that could satisfy this core desire. For example, if the desire is “joy of creation,” goals could be “write a novel,” “learn woodworking,” “develop an app,” “create a garden on my balcony”…
    3. PE-SMART Check: From your brainstorm list, select one or two options that resonate most with you, and perform a complete PE-SMART check on it (see Chapter Two) to ensure this new goal is healthy and sustainable.

• Path C: Purge - Brave Farewell, Make Space for New Beginnings

  • Who it’s for: You, through analysis, painfully but clearly realize that this goal is fundamentally wrong. It might be a “script” imposed on you by others, or an “old dream” that no longer suits your current situation. It extensively damages your life values and turns your body map red. Persisting will only lead to deeper exhaustion.
  • Next Action: This is the most courageous choice.
    1. Perform a “Farewell Ritual”: Find a quiet time and write a letter to this old goal you once strived for. In the letter, thank it for the inspiration and lessons it brought, then formally and clearly tell it: “I have decided, from today, to bid you farewell.” After writing, you can choose to burn, tear, or bury the letter; this ritual is important.
    2. Plan a “Strategic Fallow Period”: After abandoning an old goal, do not rush to find a new one. Your inner self needs time to “detox” and “restore fertility.” Actively plan a “strategic fallow period” for yourself (see Chapter Seven), during which your only goal is “no goal.”

Special Section: The Art of Survival for the “Bound”

Finally, we must face one of the most difficult and common situations: if after analysis, you find that your goal indeed causes you pain, but you have “no choice” and cannot abandon it. It might be a huge debt you must repay, a seriously ill family member you must care for, or a stressful job you cannot leave for survival.

If you are such a “bound” person, please first give yourself the deepest compassion and understanding. You are not on a discretionary “voyage of exploration”; you are fighting a “battle for survival” that you must win. In this situation, our strategy is no longer “where to go,” but “how to survive on this unchosen path, and live with more dignity and strength.”

• Strategy One: Finding Meaning in Limitations (Meaning Reconstruction)

  • Core: Reframe the chore of “I have to do” into the practice of “I choose to do.”
  • Action: Ask yourself, which deeper, unshakeable core value does the heavy burden you are bearing serve?
    • For example: “I endure this boring job, not because I’m weak, but because it serves my core value of ‘providing stability for my family.’ I choose to bear this responsibility for my family.”
    • • “I care for my sick mother day after day; although exhausting, it serves my core value of ‘love and responsibility.’ I choose to interpret this love through my actions.”*
  • This seemingly small shift in perspective holds immense power. It can transform you from a passive “victim” into an active, “hero” fighting for your own values.

• Strategy Two: Creating “Micro-Sanctuaries”

  • Core: In the midst of unchangeable, demanding routines, create your own sacred and inviolable “mental breathing space.”
  • Action: Every day, carve out even just 5 to 15 minutes of time that is completely your own. During this time, do a small thing that helps you temporarily forget your burdens and nourish your soul.
    • For example: On your commute, instead of looking at your phone, put on headphones and listen to a piece of classical music that moves you to tears.
    • During your lunch break, instead of complaining with colleagues, walk to the park downstairs and watch a leaf for 5 minutes.
    • After everyone in the family is asleep, make yourself a cup of hot tea and read two pages of a “useless” book.
  • These “micro-sanctuaries” are like small oases in a long desert march. They cannot change the desert itself, but they offer water and shade, giving you strength to reach the next oasis.

• Strategy Three: Practicing “Task Separation”

  • Core: Drawing on the wisdom of Austrian psychologist Alfred Adler, clearly distinguish “what is my task” from “what is someone else’s task,” and only be responsible for “my task.”
  • Action: When you feel overwhelmed by others’ emotions or expectations, ask yourself mentally: “Who is ultimately responsible for the consequences of this matter?”
    • For example: Your boss gets angry at you due to his own stress. This is “his task” (how he manages his emotions), not “your task.” Your task is to professionally complete your work, and whether you choose to work in a healthy environment. You are not responsible for his emotions.
    • Your relatives criticize your life choices. This is “their task” (how they express their opinions). How you live your life is “your task.”
  • “Task separation” is not indifference, but a profound respect. It allows you to shed the mental burdens from others that you were never meant to carry, thereby focusing your limited energy on your own tasks that you can change and should be responsible for.

For the “bound,” motivation often comes not from beautiful fantasies of the future, but from winning a moment of respite, an inch of dignity, and a shred of meaning in every difficult present moment through these three strategies. This is a quieter, yet more resilient form of heroism.

CHAPTER SEVEN: The Wisdom of Fallowing: Finding Strength in “Useless Things”

In our detailed, logical, and step-by-step action manual, there is a suggestion that seems the most “illogical,” the most “anti-efficiency”—the “mandatory fallow period.” It requires us, when feeling depleted of motivation, that the first step is not to analyze and solve problems more diligently, but to strategically and justifiably do some “useless things.”

This suggestion might just be the most scarce and potent antidote in our modern society, deeply bound by “efficiency” and “usefulness.”

We have all contracted an “efficiency sickness.” We fill our schedules, maximize the value of every minute, we fill fragmented time with “self-improvement,” and we even plan detailed “checklist” routes for vacations. We are like a tireless group of farmers, trying to make every inch of our life’s land yield “useful” crops 365 days a year.

We have forgotten one of the oldest and most fundamental agricultural wisdoms: if a piece of land is continuously cultivated without being given a “fallow period” to rest and recover, its fertility will eventually be depleted. No matter how much fertilizer you apply (how much you pump yourself up), it will eventually become a barren, desolate wasteland.

Our inner self is that land. “Loss of motivation” is this land, using its last strength, crying out to us: “I need to lie fallow.”

The Ultimate Rebellion Against “Efficiency”: Why “Play” is the Source of Motivation

“Play,” in our culture, is often seen as a privilege of children, or a synonym for “wasting time” for adults. But increasingly, psychological and neuroscience research shows that “play,” especially that which has no utilitarian purpose and is purely for its own sake, is precisely the core element for maintaining our mental health, stimulating creativity, and ultimately fostering the deepest motivation.

• “Play” from a Neuroscience Perspective: When we are in a highly focused, goal-oriented “executive mode,” our brain is primarily dominated by the prefrontal cortex, which acts like a strict foreman, allocating resources and solving problems. When we enter “play mode,” the brain enters a state known as the “Default Mode Network.” In this state, our brain no longer focuses on external tasks but begins free association and internal integration. Many “Eureka” moments of insight and bursts of creative sparks occur in this seemingly “idle” state. Play is a deep “disk defragmentation” and “creative cache clearing” for our brain.

• “Play” from a Psychological Perspective: Psychoanalyst Donald Winnicott believed that it is only in play that we can come closest to our True Self. Because in play, we shed all social masks and role-playing, we don’t need to “perform” for anyone, we can make mistakes, appear “foolish,” and feel joy purely for the sake of the activity itself. This state can significantly lower our stress hormone cortisol levels and provide a precious, freely breathing space for our True Self, which has long been suffocated by “shoulds” and “musts.”

Simply put, if your life is a bonfire, then goals and plans are the kindling that makes the fire burn brighter. And “play” and “fallowing” are the invisible “space” that allows air to circulate. Without space, no matter how much kindling, it will only pile up into an unignitable heap of dead material.

The “Useless Things” Menu: An Invitation to Inner Abundance

How to “fallow”? The key is “purposelessness.” Below is a richer, more interesting “menu” from which you can choose freely based on your current mood and state. Please remember, when doing these things, the only KPI, is “doing them for no KPI.”

• Sensory Type (Awakening Dormant Perception)

  • Sound Bath: Find a pure instrumental album you’ve never heard before (e.g., classical, ambient music, or nature sounds), turn off the lights, and listen to it completely from beginning to end with your best headphones. Your task is not to “analyze” the music, but simply to let your ears purely bathe in the sound waves.
  • Taste Exploration: Go to the supermarket and buy a fruit or vegetable you’ve never eaten before. At home, taste it slowly in a ritualistic way. Feel its texture, aroma, and the flavors that bloom in your mouth.
  • Tactile Walk: Go outdoors and walk barefoot on grass or sand for ten minutes. Feel the different messages the earth transmits through the soles of your feet.

• Creative Type (Releasing Purposeless Expression)

  • Doodling: Prepare a large blank sheet of paper and a box of crayons or watercolors. Don’t try to draw anything specific; just let the colors flow freely on the paper. Draw your current mood, even if it’s just a messy tangle.
  • Word Game: Open a blank document and write the beginning of a story: “In a land no one knows, lived a…” Then, without thinking, write down the first thought that comes to mind, no matter how absurd.
  • Lego/Play-Doh Improvisation: As Spark suggested, take out those childhood toys, and without any design blueprints, simply build or sculpt by the intuition of your hands.

• Nature Type (Reconnect with Life Itself)

  • Befriend a Tree: Find a tree near your home that catches your eye. Sit quietly beside it for 15 minutes. Observe its bark texture, how its leaves sway in the wind, and what small life forms are active around it.
  • Chase a Cloud: Lie on the grass and choose a cloud in the sky. Watch it appear, transform, and finally dissipate in your vision.
  • Urban Explorer: Without using phone navigation, turn right out the door, and at every intersection, decide whether to go left or right by intuition. See what forgotten sights this “random” route leads you to discover.

• Stillness Type (Returning to the Center of Being)

  • “Do Nothing” Exercise: Find a comfortable position to sit in and set a 5-minute timer. During these 5 minutes, your task is to “do nothing.” No phone, no reading, not even deliberately “meditating.” If thoughts wander, just watch them fly by, like watching clouds in the sky, neither following nor chasing them away.
  • Gaze at a Candle: Light a candle and gaze at the small flame. Observe how it flickers, how its halo changes. Let it be the sole anchor for your attention.

Facing the “Guilt of Fallowing”: Defending Your “Wasted Time”

When you start trying these “useless things,” that inner “overseer” is likely to jump out again, attacking you with an emotion we are all too familiar with—“guilt.”

“Everyone else is making progress, but you’re just idling here; you’re so degenerate!” “You could have replied to another email, read another page of a book with this time!”

This guilt is the core symptom of our “efficiency sickness.” To cure it, we need to cognitively make a strong, justified defense for our “wasted time.”

• Defense One: This is not waste, it’s investment. Tell yourself: I am not wasting time; I am making the most important, fundamental “fertilization” and “watering” of the land within me. Without this process, there will be no abundant harvest in the future. This is a high-return investment in the future.

• Defense Two: I am not a machine, I am life. Tell yourself: Machines can run 24 hours a day, but life needs rhythm, needs breath, needs tension and relaxation. I am a living person, not a task-executing program. Rest, play, and “doing nothing” are not rewards I “deserve,” but my inherent, inalienable rights as a living being.

• Defense Three: The highest efficiency comes from “non-action.” Tell yourself: The greatest breakthroughs in history often occur in moments of “non-action.” When I am “daydreaming,” my subconscious is performing integration and creation a thousand times more profound than when I am consciously thinking. I am not stopping work; I am simply entrusting the work to that wiser, more powerful part of myself.

When we truly, from the bottom of our hearts, recognize the value of “fallowing” and begin to consciously, regularly inject these “useless” yet beautiful moments into our lives, we will discover a wonderful phenomenon:

We no longer need to struggle so hard to “find” motivation.

Because motivation is like a well. The more anxiously you try to “draw” something from it with all sorts of tools, the muddier the well water becomes. But when you simply sit quietly by the well, allowing it to naturally settle, gather, and fill, the clearest, sweetest spring water will emerge on its own.

FINAL CHAPTER: You Are Not the Boatman, You Are the River

Our journey began in alumnus Chenyu’s dimly lit living room, with that heartbreaking metaphor—“climbing on flat ground.”

To navigate this invisible cliff, we, like pragmatic engineers, learned a series of ingenious “tactics.” We learned to use “thought cards” to clear the cluttered mental desktop, the “PE-SMART” principle to tame the out-of-control goal monster, and rediscovered the three instant pressure relief valves hidden in breath, imagination, and the body. These tools, sharp and effective, helped us steady the swaying ship in the storm.

Next, we transformed from engineers into thoughtful strategists. We were no longer content to simply deal with crises; instead, we looked up at the stars and began to recalibrate life’s compass. Through the metaphor of “Hadrian’s Wall,” we started to examine the balance between conquest and stewardship; through the “inner dialogue theater,” we listened to the clash of ambition and fatigue; we finally mustered the courage to ask the most crucial, and most difficult, question: “Is this truly where I want to go?”

To answer this question, we then became sensitive poets, exploring inward, learning to listen to the “wisdom whispers” we had long ignored. We mapped the body’s emotional landscape, dredged subconscious treasures from the morning, and began to pay attention to the dreams playing in our private cinema each night. We began to understand that the most authentic answers are often not “thought” out, but “felt.”

Finally, we integrated the engineer’s rigor, the strategist’s foresight, and the poet’s sensitivity to create a detailed, compassionate “Self-Reconciliation Action Manual.” It provided us with clear paths, whether we needed to persevere, pivot, purge, or even had to find dignity for ourselves in inescapable dilemmas. We even discovered the ancient art of “fallowing,” a counter to modern efficiency sickness, learning to reconnect with life force itself in “useless things.”

We seem to have exhausted all methods, drawing a sufficiently perfect map to “inner harmony.”

But at the end of this journey, I want to invite you, with me, to make one last, and most important, shift in perspective.

From “Solving Problems” to “Dancing with Them”

Recall our initial dilemma: losing motivation under immense pressure and grand goals.

Our entire journey has been an attempt to “solve” this problem. We viewed “pressure” as an enemy to be eliminated, “goals” as a beast to be tamed, and “motivation” as a broken engine to be repaired.

This “problem-solving” mode, is deeply ingrained in our culture. It is useful, but it also has a significant limitation: it assumes that “I” and “the problem” are two separate, opposing entities. It keeps us in a “battle” stance.

Now, let’s try a new metaphor.

Imagine your life is not a ship sailing on the sea, but a flowing river.

Your “goal” is like that distant blue ocean into which all rivers eventually flow. It’s not a place you need to laboriously “reach,” but your natural, ultimate destination as a river.

Your “pressure” is the rocks, rapids, and suddenly narrow gorges in the riverbed. They are not there to “hinder” you; they are part of the riverbed itself. It is these rocks that create the most beautiful waves; it is these gorges that give the river its most powerful surge. A river without rocks and gorges is not a river; it is a stagnant pool.

And your “motivation” is not the engine of a boat; it is the inherent, unstoppable tendency of the river itself to flow forward. It’s not something you need to “find” or “fix”; it is your very nature. As long as you are water, you are flowing.

So, who is that “you” who feels “lost motivation,” who is “climbing on flat ground”?

That “you” might just be a small eddy in the river.

It temporarily, locally changed its direction because it hit a rock (pressure), and started swirling in place. It saw other water flowing forward (others’ success) and felt immense anxiety and panic. It thought it had “stopped,” that it had been “abandoned” by the entire river. It began to struggle frantically, trying to “solve” this “swirling” problem, only to sink deeper and exhaust all its strength.

And everything we’ve done throughout this book—from tactics to strategy—has been to help this eddy see one thing clearly again:

You are not the eddy; you are the entire river.

That struggling, suffering “you” swirling in place is just a temporary, localized phenomenon within your entire life experience. It is not your entirety. Your true identity is that larger, deeper, perpetually ocean-bound force itself.

When we look back at everything that once troubled us from this perspective, everything changes.

We no longer need to “fight” pressure. We just need to feel the real sensations that the “rock” creates when it impacts us, both physically and emotionally. We embrace the waves generated by the impact, experience the pain, the obstruction, the anger. We no longer judge it; we simply allow it to happen fully, as part of the river’s experience. Miraculously, when we stop fighting the rock, the water naturally finds the path of least resistance around it.

We no longer need to “cling” to goals. We know that we will eventually merge with the ocean; this is certain. Therefore, we no longer worry about “when” and “how” to arrive, but begin to appreciate the scenery along the way. We start to feel the warmth of the sun on the water, listen to the birdsong and fragrant flowers on the banks, and nourish every inch of land we flow through. We know that the process itself is the entirety of meaning.

And ultimately, we no longer need to “search” for motivation. Because when we stop identifying ourselves with that small, struggling eddy and reconnect with the grand life force of the entire river, we will discover that that power has never disappeared. It has always been there, in our deepest core, quietly and powerfully, propelling us forward.

A Final Invitation

So, my dear friend, the end of this journey is not a map, but an invitation.

An invitation for you to let go of the anxiety of wanting to “fix yourself.” You are not broken; you have simply, temporarily, forgotten that you are a river.

An invitation for you to embrace all the “rocks” and “eddies” in your life. They are not your enemies; they are the most unique, most profound chapters in your life story.

An invitation for you, the next time you feel like you are “climbing on flat ground,” not to panic anymore.

Just stop, close your eyes, take a deep breath.

Then, in your heart, give yourself that gentlest, yet most powerful ultimate command:

“Don’t be afraid.

Feel it.

Flow.

You are not the boatman.

You are the river.”