"The Prisoner, the Gardener, and the Sky: A Journey of Self-Reconciliation Beyond the Cages of the Mind"

Introduction: We Are All Prisoners of Our Own Stories

Do you know Zi Ang?

You might not know him now. But you’ll surely see a reflection of yourself in him.

Zi Ang is a good person. Kind, hardworking, loyal to his friends, and quite responsible at work. But how to describe his life? It’s like an old television with a loose connection, every now and then it would crackle and plunge into a black-and-white screen full of static.

He deeply believed he had a fatal curse: “I always mess up the most important things.”

This thought, like a phantom, haunted every corner of his life.

When he prepared for an important work presentation, this voice would whisper in his ear: “Don’t bother, remember how you were last time, and you still made a complete fool of yourself in front of the boss.” So, his heart began to pound, his palms sweated, and his carefully prepared speech turned into a jumble in his mind. The result? The result, of course, was yet another confirmation of that curse.

When he met a girl he liked and mustered the courage to speak, that voice would sneer again: “You? Forget it. If she knew you’re someone who can’t even sort out your own life, she’d only find you ridiculous.” Consequently, his throat felt blocked, and all his enthusiasm instantly cooled. He watched helplessly as the girl’s back disappeared into the crowd, with only the echo of that curse in his heart: “See? You messed up again.”

Even at friend gatherings, while everyone chatted loudly, sharing their successes and joys, Zi Ang would silently shrink into a corner, drinking his quiet beer. That voice, like a judge, solemnly declared in his heart: “You don’t belong here. You’re a failure, an imposter disguised among the crowd.”

Zi Ang’s life was a self-fulfilling prophecy. He was like a diligent prisoner, day after day adding bricks and mortar to his prison named “I always mess up,” building it stronger and more impenetrable. He even forgot that he was both the prisoner, the craftsman building this prison, and the jailer who never left.

Now, please pause for a moment, shift your gaze from Zi Ang, and turn it towards ourselves.

What we experience, ultimately, is it cold, hard objective reality, or the “story” our inner self never stops telling us?

What keeps you tossing and turning at night—is it the fact of “a mistake at work” itself, or the story “I’m a hopeless idiot”? What makes you feel insecure and small in a crowd—is it the objective observation “others are better than me,” or the story “I’ll never measure up to them, I’m worthless”? What makes you hesitate when faced with opportunity—is it the rational judgment “this matter carries risk,” or the story “I’m sure to fail, I don’t have that ability”?

Most of us, like Zi Ang, live within the stories we tell ourselves. We weave chains from past experiences and erect high walls from future fears. We are not imprisoned by reality itself, but by our own “interpretations” of it.

We are all prisoners of our own stories.

So, the question arises.

Is there a key that can unlock this cage we’ve built and maintained with our own hands? Is there a possibility for us to break free from this endlessly repeating tragic story and write a new script?

The answer is yes.

This journey is precisely about finding this skill. It will lead us, starting from a seemingly simple thinking technique, step by step into the core of our belief systems. We will learn wisdom like a gardener of the mind, transforming decay into wonder; we will also be like a dancer on the edge of a sword, wary of the shadows lurking behind the tools.

And ultimately, we might discover that true freedom isn’t about finding a more powerful key, but about realizing that we were never prisoners to begin with.

We are the sky, capable of containing all the storms and calm.

Now, are you ready? Let’s embark together on this journey of self-reconciliation, breaking free from the cages of the mind.

Volume I: The Art of Mind Gardening—The Wisdom of Transforming Decay into Wonder

If our thoughts are a garden, then the peculiar thing about this garden is that its withered branches, fallen leaves, scattered rocks, and low-lying areas are often composed of the same thing—namely, the “meaning” we ascribe to things.

Changing the meaning changes everything.

This might sound a bit mystical, like some spiritual slogan. But it is actually a wisdom anyone can master, an “art of gardening” for cultivating our inner world. It doesn’t require you to change reality; it only requires you to change your perspective on reality. It doesn’t promise to remove the stubborn rocks from your garden, but it can teach you how to adapt to local conditions, arrange these scattered stones into rockeries, and transform decay into wonder.

In this volume, we will learn this ancient and powerful skill together. Ready to become the gardener of your own mind?

Chapter 1: The Garden of the Mind, Shifting Views with Every Step

Have you ever visited an exquisite Jiangnan garden?

You might marvel at the gardener’s ingenuity. Why is it that the same mountains, stones, water, and trees appear unremarkable in one spot, but after crossing a winding bridge and looking out from a moon gate, the very same scenery suddenly forms a picturesque and profound tableau?

What changed in this process?

The scenery in the garden (reality) didn’t change at all. What changed was your vantage point as a visitor, and the slice of landscape “framed” by your eyes.

This is the secret of “shifting views with every step,” and it’s the first gardening technique we are about to learn—Meaning Reframing. Its core, much like the wisdom of “shifting views,” is this: The meaning of an event is not determined by the event itself (the scenery), but by our vantage point (the frame) from which we view it. Since we choose our vantage point, we naturally have the right to move our feet, change our angle, and see a new world.

Let’s return to Zi Ang’s persistent problem: “Because my boss is demanding, I’m unhappy at work.”

This is a classic “causal curse.” “Demanding boss” is the cause, “unhappy at work” is the effect. This cause-and-effect relationship is like an iron chain, firmly locking him in negative emotions. He feels it’s natural, unchangeable.

Now, let’s play the role of a mind gardener and tend to this barren land. This technique involves two steps:

1. Transform the “effect” (unhappy at work) into its opposite, such as “very proactive at work.”
2. Move the “because” from the beginning of the sentence to the end.

Thus, the original sentence becomes:

“My boss is demanding, so I’m very proactive at work, because…”

Upon seeing this sentence structure, does your brain instantly “freeze” a little? It might feel illogical, awkward. But it is precisely this “freeze” that creates a valuable opportunity for us. It breaks the old, automated thought patterns, forcing your brain to seek a new, reasonable explanation for a seemingly contradictory statement.

Now, like playing a crossword puzzle, try to complete the sentence above. Don’t judge, don’t filter; let your thoughts run wild, aiming to come up with at least six different versions.

This is like a creative brainstorm for your brain. It might be difficult at first, but if you persist, you’ll be amazed at how creative your answers can be. Below are some masterpieces contributed by students in real classes; feel the impact:

• “My boss is demanding, so I’m very proactive at work, because… I want to shut him up with impeccable performance.”
  • (See, here the “meaning” shifts from “victim” to “fighter”; the core values are “dignity” and “control.”)
• “My boss is demanding, so I’m very proactive at work, because… this allows me to grow faster than anyone else; I’m getting a masterclass for free.”
  • (Here the “meaning” shifts from “torment” to “opportunity”; the core value is “growth.”)
• “My boss is demanding, so I’m very proactive at work, because… only by exceeding his standards can I get promoted faster and forever leave his jurisdiction.”
  • (Here the “meaning” shifts from “endurance” to “escape”; the core value is “freedom.”)
• “My boss is demanding, so I’m very proactive at work, because… this actually gives me more capability and capital to find a better job.”
  • (Here the “meaning” shifts from “dilemma” to “stepping stone”; the core values are “hope” and “future.”)
• “My boss is demanding, so I’m very proactive at work, because… I want to prove that my emotions are controlled by me, not by his mood.”
  • (Here the “meaning” shifts from “passive reaction” to “active declaration”; the core values are “inner strength” and “autonomy.”)
• “My boss is demanding, so I’m very proactive at work, because… this can make leaders from other departments notice me; they will appreciate talent that shines even in such a harsh environment.”
  • (Here the “meaning” shifts from “isolated and helpless” to “spotlighted on stage”; the core values are “being seen” and “opportunity.”)

Now, pause and take a deep breath.

Look back at the original sentence: “Because my boss is demanding, I’m unhappy at work.”

Has a subtle shift occurred in your inner feeling? The original sentence felt like a cold, heavy stone pressing on your chest. But the subsequent sentences, while acknowledging the fact of a “demanding boss,” are like flames, filled with power, hope, and agency.

Do you notice that every “masterpiece” above is essentially a value transformation? It didn’t change the fact, but it completely changed the “relationship” between the fact and you. It created new values for you (growth, freedom, dignity), or enhanced and redirected your existing values (ability, hope).

This proves a profound truth: Our beliefs must be supported by values. When values change, beliefs can change accordingly.

This is the magic of “Meaning Reframing.” It’s not about deceiving yourself; it’s not about faking happiness. It’s an invitation for you to jump out of a disempowering, narrow “meaning” framework and actively choose a new, grander framework that can empower you and fill you with hope.

You are the one who gives meaning. The garden in your mind is yours to design.

[Gardening Notes]

Now, take out a pen and paper, or open your notepad. Write down a recent issue that bothers you and fits the “Because A, so B” pattern.

For example: “Because the market is sluggish this year, my business is doomed.”

Now, apply your gardening wisdom and transform it into: “The market is sluggish this year, so my business will be more successful, because…”

Then, write at least five different endings. Feel the sense of clarity that emerges when your thoughts are forced to shift from a “dead end” to a “new vista.”

Chapter 2: Your “Flaws” Are Just Strengths Misplaced

Each of us carries a “list of self-perceived flaws” in our minds.

“I’m too introverted, not good at socializing.” “I’m too sensitive, always overthinking.” “I work too slowly, not efficient.” “I’m too quick-tempered, easily offend people.”

We stare at these labels as if they were scars on our bodies, always feeling they are ugly, needing correction or concealment. We feel inferior because of them, believing we aren’t good enough.

But what if I told you that these so-called “flaws” don’t exist at all? What if I told you they are just “strengths” that you’ve misplaced?

This might sound like cheap self-help jargon, but I will show you the second powerful gardening technique—Context Reframing. Its core idea is: Any personality trait or behavior, in itself, has no absolute good or bad. Its value depends entirely on the “context” in which it is used.

A stone, in a farmer’s hand, is good material for building a wall; in a child’s hand, it’s a toy for skipping on water; in front of a hungry beast, it’s a life-saving weapon. The stone itself hasn’t changed; what changes is the context.

The same applies to our personality traits.

There was once a very successful banker who was constantly troubled by his daughter’s “stubbornness.” His daughter would not budge once she made up her mind about something, and they argued countless times, causing their relationship to plummet. The banker feared this trait would cause his daughter great harm in the future.

In desperation, he sought advice from an NLP master. The master didn’t lecture; he simply asked one question:

“Sir, imagine. When your daughter grows up and goes on a date with a stranger with bad intentions, and that man makes an inappropriate demand of her, at that moment, do you wish your daughter to be ‘stubborn’?”

The banker was stunned on the spot, and a lightbulb went off.

He instantly understood. The trait of “stubbornness” was a frustrating flaw in the context of “arguing with father about a TV show”; but in the context of “facing potential danger and holding firm to one’s boundaries,” it was an incredibly valuable, shining virtue. It represented “principles,” “resoluteness,” and “self-protection.”

From that day on, the banker never lost his temper over his daughter’s “stubbornness” again. He learned to appreciate this trait in his daughter and even consciously guided her to use this “firmness” in appropriate situations.

This is the power of “Context Reframing.” It doesn’t ask you to change yourself; instead, it invites you to find a stage where those seemingly imperfect traits of yours can truly shine.

Let’s look at another example. Many people, especially those in creative or humanities professions, often lament being “too sensitive.” They are easily deeply moved by a song, a movie, or an unwitting remark from someone else, experiencing great emotional fluctuations and intense inner monologues. In commercial negotiations or workplace competition, where one needs to be “thick-skinned,” this seems like a huge “flaw.”

But let’s look at it in a different context:

• In artistic creation, “sensitivity” is “perceptiveness” and “empathy,” a core talent for capturing subtle details and creating moving works.
• In intimate relationships, “sensitivity” allows you to more keenly sense your partner’s emotional changes, becoming a more thoughtful and understanding partner.
• In self-exploration, “sensitivity” is your radar to the inner world, allowing you to understand yourself more deeply and experience a richer life.

So, is “sensitivity” a flaw? No, it just causes you pain in the wrong environment. But in the right environment, it’s your most precious asset.

[Gardening Notes]

Now, it’s your turn.

1. From your own “flaw list,” pick the trait that bothers you the most. For example: “I’m indecisive.”

2. Transform this negative label into a neutral description. For example: “I need to consider many possibilities before making a decision.”

3. Now, perform “Context Reframing.” Write down at least three environments, scenarios, or situations where this “indecisive” trait of yours would become a huge advantage.

   • For example: “When the team needs to make a high-risk strategic decision, my ‘thorough’ trait can help everyone avoid obvious pitfalls.”
   • For example: “When a friend confides in me about a complex life problem, my ‘not jumping to conclusions’ trait will make them feel fully understood and respected, rather than arbitrarily judged.”
   • For example: “When performing highly precise technical work, my ‘double-checking’ trait ensures that the final product quality meets the highest standards.”

Through this exercise, you will gradually learn to appreciate every part of yourself. You will understand that you don’t need to cut off any part of yourself; what you need is to understand and use them more wisely. You are not a flawed defect; you are a powerful Swiss Army knife, just needing a more complete “user manual.” And the author of that manual is you.

Chapter 3: Five Maxims to Untie the Knot

Some dilemmas, like a dead knot, are tightly tied in our hearts.

“I can’t learn to swim.” “I can’t find a good job.” “I can’t communicate with him.”

These sentences sound like cold, unshakeable final verdicts. They are short, powerful, and carry a sense of eternal despair. When we say these words to ourselves, our brain receives a command: Game over, no need to try anymore. So, we truly get stuck.

Now, I will teach you a powerful set of “spells,” consisting of five maxims, that can gradually untie these mental knots. I call it the “Five-Step Dilemma Release Method.” It is essentially a sophisticated, procedural application of “Meaning Reframing,” designed to completely change your internal state by changing your language.

Let’s take “I can’t swim,” a common dilemma, as an example to experience the magic of these five maxims.

Step One: Confront the Dilemma: “I can’t swim.”

• Analysis: This is a typical “dilemma statement.” It uses negative words (“can’t”) and has no time limit, sounding like an eternal truth. It tightly binds you, the person, to the fact of “not being able to swim.” Your subconscious receives the message: This, and I, are hopeless.

Step Two: Introduce Time, Break Eternity: “Up until now, I haven’t learned to swim.”

• Analysis: This is the first maxim, andthe most crucial step. We made two small changes, but the effect is transformative.
  • “Up until now”: This is like adding a time adverb to a verdict. It instantly transforms an “eternal curse” into a “temporary state.” It acknowledges past facts but preserves all possibilities for the future.
  • “haven’t learned”: We replaced the rigid word “can’t” with the dynamic and possibility-filled phrase “haven’t learned.” This subtly hints to your subconscious: swimming is something that “can be learned,” it just hasn’t happened yet.

Step Three: Find Controllable Reasons: “Because in the past, I couldn’t find a good teacher, nor did I make time, so up until now, I haven’t learned to swim.”

• Analysis: This is the second maxim. It guides us to find a “controllable” explanation for this “temporary state.” Note, the key here is “controllable.” If you attribute the reason to “I’m naturally afraid of water” or “I’m too stupid,” then you’ve fallen into a new trap.
• You must find reasons that you can change through action. For example, “couldn’t find a good teacher,” “didn’t have time,” “didn’t have money,” “didn’t know where to learn.” These reasons, while sounding negative, all point to a bright exit: as long as I solve these problems, things can change.

Step Four: Build the Future Blueprint: “When I find a good teacher and make time, I will be able to swim.”

• Analysis: This is the third maxim. It magically transforms all the negative statements from the previous sentence into positive ones.
  • “Because” becomes “When.” The word “if” implies the possibility of failure, whereas “when” carries a certainty of future achievement.
  • Negative phrases like “couldn’t find” and “didn’t make” are replaced with positive actions like “find” and “make.”
• This sentence is like rehearsing success in your mind. It paints a clear, achievable blueprint for the future.

Step Five: Formulate Present Action: “I will ask friends who already know how to swim to recommend reliable coaches; at the same time, I will adjust my work schedule to ensure I have Saturday afternoons free for lessons. I will definitely enjoy the pleasure of swimming freely in the water.”

• Analysis: This is the final, and most powerful, maxim. It breaks down the future blueprint into concrete, actionable first steps that can be taken right now.
• At this point, a person who was once trapped by the “I can’t swim” knot has completely “escaped.” They are no longer a passive, helpless victim. They have become an active agent with a clear goal, a feasible path, and full of initiative.

Now, go back and feel the difference in your inner state between the first sentence “I can’t swim” and the fifth sentence. The former is static, closed, and despairing. The latter is fluid, open, and full of hope.

This is the magic of language. Through the transformation of these five maxims, you have personally untied that knot, reshaping a “problem” into a “project.”

[Gardening Notes]

From your own life, find a dilemma that makes you feel “I can’t do X.” It could be “I can’t save money,” “I’m afraid to speak in public,” or “I can’t wake up early.”

Now, solemnly and completely, substitute this dilemma (X) into the “Five-Step Dilemma Release Method,” writing it down sentence by sentence.

1. I can’t do X.
2. Up until now, I haven’t been able to do X.
3. Because in the past I…, so up until now, I haven’t been able to do X.
4. When I…, I will be able to do X.
5. I will go and…, which will enable me to do X.

Be sure to make the fifth step as detailed and specific as possible. The power of this exercise lies not only in changing your mindset but also in its eventual translation into real, tangible action.

Chapter 4: When You Can Have Your Cake and Eat It Too

In our culture, there are many admonitions about “you can’t have your cake and eat it too.”

“If you work, you won’t have time for family.” “If you want quality, you have to sacrifice quantity.” “If you pursue your dreams, you have to endure poverty.” “If you want to maintain harmonious relationships, you have to suppress your true feelings.”

These dualistic beliefs act like invisible walls, constraining our imagination. We often struggle painfully with these “dilemmas,” feeling that no matter what we choose, there will be regrets.

But the wise gardener understands: in seemingly irreconcilable contradictions, there often lies a door to higher wisdom.

This fourth gardening technique, I call “Having Both.” It is actually a special application of “Meaning Reframing,” specifically designed to break those “either/or” limiting beliefs.

Its operation is very simple and direct; it merely requires you to issue a thought command to yourself:

“I firmly believe that I can have both. Now, how do I need to think or act to make it happen?”

This command is like issuing an “escape” order to your brain. It forces your mind to jump out of that preset, black-and-white frame, to seek those hidden, creative third, fourth, or even fifth possibilities in the grey areas.

Let’s look at a classic example. A team leader complained: “If quality goes up, output will inevitably decrease.”

This is a typical “cake and eat it too” dilemma. If we accept this premise, then the discussion will devolve into endless arguments about “whether to prioritize quality or quantity.”

Now, let’s activate the “Having Both” method and issue the command to ourselves: “If both quality and output can be improved simultaneously, what do we need to do?”

This question will instantly shift everyone’s energy from “internal friction” to “co-creation.” People will begin to consider entirely new possibilities:

• “Can we optimize the process to cut out unnecessary steps that are both time-consuming and affect quality?”
• “Can we introduce new tools or technologies to simultaneously improve efficiency and accuracy?”
• “Can we train the team to improve everyone’s average skill level, so rework rates decrease, and both quality and output naturally increase?”
• “Can we redefine ‘output’? Maybe it’s not about producing more ‘junk,’ but about producing more ‘gems’; the value of one gem might be worth ten inferior items.”

See, once you break that “one must be lost” presumption, countless innovative solutions emerge.

Let’s look at another real-life example. A working mother said: “After work, I have to supervise my child’s studies; I simply don’t have time for my husband, so how can our marriage possibly be good?”

This is a heartbreaking dilemma. But we can still activate the “Having Both” method.

“If ‘taking good care of the child’ and ‘maintaining a good marriage’ can both be achieved, what do I need to do?”

• “Can my husband and I have an open conversation, treating ‘maintaining the marriage’ as a joint project, rather than solely my responsibility? For example, can we agree on a weekly ‘couple’s exclusive night,’ temporarily leaving the child with grandparents or a babysitter?”
• “Can I turn ‘supervising the child’s studies’ into a ‘family activity’? For example, all three of us read together and then share our feelings; this is both parent-child time and couple communication time.”
• “Can I redefine ‘spending time with my husband’? Perhaps what he needs is not long hours of companionship, but ten minutes of high-quality, focused time undisturbed by the child. Can I give him a heartfelt hug and chat about his day after the child is asleep?”

Often, the reason we fall into dilemmas is that our definitions of needs are too “vague” and “rigid.” For example, we might think “love” equals “long hours of companionship,” or “success” equals “earning a lot of money.” The “Having Both” method encourages us to “dissect” our true needs more clearly, thereby finding more flexible and creative ways to meet them.

Of course, this doesn’t mean that everything in life must force “having both.” Learning to choose is also a form of wisdom. However, before you choose to give up, try challenging yourself with this method; it’s a win-win situation in itself.

Because clinging to the belief that “you can’t have both” will only leave you in pain. But clinging to the belief that “you can have both” will at least open a door to a new world for you.

[Gardening Notes]

From your own life, find a “having your cake and eating it too” dilemma that causes you deep pain.

• “If I speak my true mind, I’ll ruin our relationship.”
• “If I pursue stability, I have to give up my passion.”
• “If I’m strict with my child, it will affect our parent-child bond.”

Now, choose one of them, and say the mantra aloud to yourself: “If A and B can both be achieved, what do I need to do?”

Then, without any limitations, write down at least three (even if they seem crazy) solutions.

This exercise is training your mental “muscles.” When this muscle becomes strong enough, you will find that those seemingly insoluble “dead ends” in life are actually just “narrow gates” leading to broader horizons.

Volume II: From First Aid to Wellness—When Technique Meets Value

In Volume I, we just learned four powerful mind gardening techniques. They are like a set of magical tools that can help us quickly untangle mental knots and change current negative emotions.

This is great, very great. But deep down, do you have a subtle unease?

Are these techniques too “quick”? Can they solve deeper problems like “low self-worth” that have plagued us for years? Or are they merely band-aids, temporarily stopping the emotional bleeding but unable to heal the recurring old wounds?

This is precisely the core question we will delve into in this volume: How to elevate “reframing” from a “first-aid technique” into a “wellness practice” that fundamentally nourishes us and builds long-term, stable self-worth.

This journey will go from a matchstick to an eternal lamp.

Chapter 5: A Life-Saving Matchstick

Imagine you are lost in a dark, boundless forest. Cold, fear, and despair surround you like wild beasts. You feel like you’re about to die here.

Just then, you pull a matchstick from your pocket.

With trembling hands, you strike it. With a “hiss,” a small cluster of warm, orange-yellow light instantly dispels the deepest darkness before your eyes.

In this brief illumination, what do you see?

You might clearly see the path beneath your feet, realizing it’s not as rugged as you imagined. You might spot a large tree nearby where you can shelter, providing a moment of security. You might even glimpse a faint light in the distance, a hope you never noticed before.

Most importantly, this flicker of light reassures you of one thing: “I still have a way. I’m not done for yet.”

This matchstick is a perfect metaphor for “reframing” as an “emotional first aid technique.”

When our minds are overwhelmed by dark thoughts like “I messed up,” “I can’t do it,” “there’s no hope,” reframing is that life-saving matchstick being struck. It can create a precious “psychological buffer zone” for us in a matter of seconds.

• “Meaning reframing” allows us to see the spark of “growth” in the darkness of “failure.”
• “Context reframing” allows us to see the spark of “unique advantage” in the darkness of “self-loathing.”
• “Five-step dilemma release method” allows us to see the spark of “next action” in the darkness of “helplessness.”

This flicker of light might not lead you out of the entire forest directly, and it might even extinguish quickly. But its value cannot be overemphasized. Because at the most critical moment, it provides you with three most precious things:

1. Hope: It breaks the monopoly of despair, making you believe that things can turn around.
2. Agency: It transforms you from a passively suffering “victim” into an “agent” who can take action.
3. Emotional Respite: It allows you to temporarily detach from intense negative emotions, restoring a bit of rational thinking ability.

In many crises, it is precisely this brief respite and faint hope that sustain us through the most difficult times. So, never underestimate the immense value of “reframing” as a first-aid tool. It is one of the most important survival tools that each of us should carry with us.

However, a person who truly wants to cross the forest cannot rely solely on one matchstick after another.

Because matches will eventually run out, and the night in the forest is still long.

What you need is an eternal lamp that can burn continuously and light the way forward, never extinguishing.

Chapter 6: Lighting an Eternal Lamp in Your Inner Sanctuary

That eternal lamp is what we call “stable, positive self-worth.”

What is a person who possesses this lamp like?

They do encounter darkness, but they have light within, so they do not fear the darkness. When they mess something up, they might be frustrated, but deep down, a voice will say: “It’s okay, this is just a mistake; it doesn’t define who I am. I am still capable, and I can learn from this.” When criticized by others, they might feel sad, but their inner light will not waver because they know their worth does not depend on others’ opinions.

This lamp is our inner “immune system.” It gives us stronger resilience when facing life’s viruses and bacteria.

So, the question arises. How can we possess this lamp?

The answer might surprise you: This lamp is precisely fueled and assembled, little by little, by the “matchsticks” we strike one after another.

Reframing and self-worth are not opposing concepts of “first aid” versus “long-term solution.” They are the relationship between “points” and “lines,” “bricks” and a “temple.”

Every time you successfully practice reframing, you are not just solving a present problem. On a deeper level, you are making a small construction toward your “inner sanctuary.”

• When you reframe “my demanding boss makes me suffer” into “my demanding boss helps me grow faster,” you not only solve present discomfort but also pour a bit of concrete into the “growth pillar” of your inner sanctuary. You are telling yourself through action: “I am someone who can learn and grow in adversity.”
• When you reframe “I’m too introverted” into “I’m more focused when deep thinking is required,” you are not just accepting a flaw; you are adding a solid tile to the “self-awareness” wall of your sanctuary. You are telling yourself: “I am a complete person who appreciates all my traits.”
• When you use the “five-step dilemma release method” to transform “I can’t manage my finances” into a concrete learning plan, you are not just finding a method; you are lighting a new candle on the “control” altar of your sanctuary. You are telling yourself: “I am an active person capable of solving my own problems.”

Do you see?

Reframing is the “daily construction method” for building long-term self-worth.

A stable self-worth system is not achieved through sudden enlightenment, nor is it built by reading a few books. It is forged, strengthened, and nourished through conscious “thought and behavioral choices” in countless concrete, small life events, confirmed again and again.

Every successful reframe is a small confirmation of a more positive, more powerful “self-concept.” When these confirmations accumulate enough, a quantitative change will lead to a qualitative leap. The external “techniques” will gradually internalize into our inner “beliefs.”

The “matchstick” of first aid converges into the “eternal lamp” of wellness.

Chapter 7: A Gentle Dialogue with Yourself

Now, let’s uncover the secret behind this “fueling” process. Why do reframing exercises have such a profound effect?

Because it’s not just a “mind game”; at its core, it’s a “dialogue with your own inner core values.”

Our sense of self-worth is often fragile because we’ve lost connection with the most precious things deep within us—our core values. We forget what truly matters to us, we forget who we are.

Reframing, like a bridge, helps us reconnect with these core values when we feel lost and powerless.

Let’s re-examine those “masterpieces” from Chapter 1 about the “demanding boss” and feel the different intrinsic values they connect to:

• ”…I want to shut him up with impeccable performance.”
  • This is a dialogue with the values of “dignity” and “power.” It says: “My worth is not to be trampled. I have the power to defend my dignity.”
• “…this allows me to grow faster than anyone else.”
  • This is a dialogue with the value of “growth.” It says: “For me, continuous learning and progress are more important than temporary comfort.”
• ”…I want to prove that my emotions are controlled by me.”
  • This is a dialogue with the value of “autonomy.” It says: “I am the master of my emotions; my inner peace is more important than external judgment.”
• “…this actually gives me more capability and capital to find a better job.”
  • This is a dialogue with the values of “freedom” and “hope.” It says: “I always have the right to choose; my future is full of possibilities.”

Every time you choose a new frame that makes you feel “more empowered,” you’re not conjuring it out of thin air. You are, in fact, subconsciously scanning all your core values within and finding the one that gives you the most strength at that moment, then re-linking this “messy situation” with that noble value.

This “reconnection” process itself is deeply healing.

It reminds you that beneath the identity of a “criticized employee,” you are still a “learner eager to grow,” a “soul pursuing autonomy,” a “warrior defending dignity.”

It helps you break free from that narrow, passive, victim role and reconnect with that broader, more active, and more powerful “true self.”

Therefore, the essence of reframing practice is not about finding cleverly worded sentences, but about whether, in the process, you feel a renewed connection with some important value deep within yourself.

[Gardener’s Compass]

This exercise can help you consciously deepen this “connection” process.

1. Write down 5-10 core values that you hold most dear. These should be words that excite you and make life feel meaningful. For example:
   • Growth, freedom, love, family, health, creativity, contribution, wisdom, integrity, courage, peace…
2. Now, when you practice “meaning reframing,” after coming up with each new frame, ask yourself one more question:
   • “Which core value does this new frame connect to?”
3. Write it down.

For example: “My boss is demanding, so I’m proactive at work, because this helps me grow faster.” -> (Connects to my value of “growth.”)

Through this exercise, you will transform the unconscious “fueling” process into a conscious “nourishing” process. You will no longer just randomly strike matches; you will solemnly and spoon by spoon add the richest oil to the eternal lamp of your inner sanctuary.

This is the journey from “technique” (术, shù) to “truth/way” (道, dào). This is the secret of going from “first aid” to “wellness.”

Volume III: The Dancer on the Sword’s Edge—The Shadow Side of Tools

So far, our journey seems bright. We’ve learned various mind gardening techniques that transform decay into wonder, and we’ve found ways to integrate them into daily life to nourish ourselves. Reframing, this powerful tool, appears to be the master key to all our inner troubles.

But now, I must invite you to temporarily set aside that optimism and join me in a darker, more complex area.

Any sword that cuts through iron like butter must be double-edged. While you use it to cut chains, you might also inadvertently cut yourself. The same applies to mind gardening. If we lack reverence for its power and are ignorant of its shadow side, then this art, which seeks freedom, might instead forge an even more refined and imperceptible prison for us.

In this volume, we will learn how to dance on the edge of a sword. We must confront the hidden risks behind the tools and learn to identify the most dangerous traps. This requires courage, and even more so, clear-headedness. For only by seeing the shadow can we truly embrace the light.

Chapter 8: Beware! That Poison Called “Positivity”

Imagine a scenario: a traveler has a deep, poisonous thorn embedded in their foot. Every step they take is excruciatingly painful.

At this point, instead of stopping, carefully pulling out the thorn, cleaning the wound, and bandaging it for healing, they learn a magical mantra (reframing). They chant to themselves: “This pain is strengthening my willpower,” “This thorn is reminding me of life’s hardships.”

The mantra works. They temporarily forget the pain, feel filled with strength, and so they continue limping forward with their injured leg. The further they walk, the deeper the thorn goes, and the poison spreads throughout their body with their blood. Until one day, the mantra no longer works, and they collapse in despair, only to find that their entire leg has become necrotic.

This unsettling analogy reveals the most dangerous and common misuse of “reframing”—using it as a “mental painkiller” to numb oneself.

We are so eager to escape pain. So much so that when we acquire a tool that can quickly make us “feel good,” we easily become addicted to it. We use it to circumvent problems instead of solving them; to suppress emotions instead of processing them.

This misused “reframing” becomes a poison called “positivity.” It looks beautiful, and it feels good to ingest, but it’s corroding our ability to face reality.

Trap One: “Violent Reframing” of Major Trauma

Reframing is very effective for dealing with daily annoyances and setbacks (like a “demanding boss” or a “sluggish market”). But if it’s indiscriminately applied to major emotional trauma, the consequences can be disastrous.

Imagine your friend has just experienced the immense grief of losing a loved one. You walk up, pat their shoulder, and say, “Don’t be sad; look at it another way, they’ve just gone to another world, and this is also teaching you to cherish the people around you now!”

How do you think they would feel? They would not feel comforted; instead, they would feel a deep sense of misunderstanding, disrespect, and even emotional “violence.” Their genuine grief has been crudely invalidated by your cheap “positive meaning.”

For truly profound traumas—such as experiencing violence, suffering loss of life, or being betrayed by loved ones—the pain they bring is real, and it needs to be fully mourned and processed. In such situations, any attempt to hastily “find a positive meaning” is an act of harm to the person involved and a suppression and betrayal of one’s own true emotions.

Safety Boundary: Always remember, reframing is not a substitute for psychotherapy. When facing major psychological trauma, the primary task is to seek professional psychological counseling and support, not to “DIY” reframing at home. In those moments, what we need is to be heard, accepted, and empathized with, not to be “positive.”

Trap Two: Using “Rationalization” to Escape Real Responsibility

This trap is more subtle. We might become very skilled at using reframing to find a seemingly very “wise” excuse for our procrastination, laziness, and irresponsibility.

• A salesperson consistently at the bottom of the rankings might constantly reframe: “This isn’t failure; I’m filtering out ineffective clients and building my resilience.” (But they never reflect on their sales skills or effort.)
• A student addicted to gaming and neglecting studies might tell themselves: “I’m not wasting time; I’m exploring different life possibilities through virtual worlds.” (But they avoid the responsibilities they should bear in the real world.)
• A partner who constantly avoids communication in an intimate relationship might comfort themselves: “This isn’t coldness; I’m giving each other space and maintaining beauty through distance.” (But they ignore the huge cracks that have appeared in the relationship.)

See, reframing here becomes an extremely refined form of “self-deception.” It allows us to comfortably stay in our comfort zone, abandoning the responsibility for growth. This “positive” poison is slowly, invisibly, eroding our lives.

Safety Boundary: How to distinguish between “wise reframing” and an “evasive excuse”? There’s a very simple standard, which we’ll discuss in detail in the next chapter. But for now, remember this principle: Any reframing that only brings a good feeling without leading to positive action is worth being wary of.

A true gardener never fears the barrenness or ugly stones in the garden. They will face them, feel their texture and grain, and only then begin to conceive. Similarly, a truly wise reframer never avoids the thorny realities or the pain of emotions. They will first fully feel them, and then choose what perspective to draw strength from.

Do not use a “positive” sugarcoat to cover wounds that have already started to fester. Bravely uncover it, clean it, disinfect it—that is the true path to healing.

Chapter 9: Action Is the Only Metric to Pierce All Illusions

How do you determine if what you’ve consumed is a “wise remedy” or a “positive poison”? How do you ensure your “mind gardening” hasn’t devolved into a “sophisticated form of self-deception”?

There is only one answer, simple yet stark: Action.

More precisely, it’s a complete closed loop that includes “action—feedback—adjustment.”

This is the only golden standard for testing all mental tools. Any “mind shift” that cannot ultimately translate into action and receive feedback from the real world may just be a castle in the air, built by our brains for self-comfort. It’s beautiful, but a breath of wind will scatter it.

Let’s return to the salesperson at the bottom of the rankings from the previous chapter. He reframes “not closing the deal” as “I’ve improved my communication skills.” Is this reframe itself good or bad?

We cannot judge. It could become a powerful new beginning, or it could become a self-deceptive comfort zone. The only difference lies in what happens next.

Scenario A (False Self-Worth): He feels satisfied with his successful “reframe.” He believes his mindset has become very “mature” and he’s no longer anxious about immediate gains or losses. And then? And then nothing. He doesn’t review the failed communication, doesn’t learn new sales techniques, doesn’t diligently visit the next client. He simply contentedly accepts himself as “didn’t close the deal, but has a great mindset.” His performance, of course, shows no improvement. What he built is a false, fragile self-worth. When the pressure of reality (like being laid off) arrives, this illusion will instantly collapse.

Scenario B (True Self-Worth): He tells himself: “OK, I failed this time. But from a positive perspective, it exposed my insufficient ability to handle client objections. That’s good; it’s a valuable learning opportunity.” Then, he immediately took action:

1. Action: He listened to the communication recording (if available) again, analyzing word by word where he spoke poorly.
2. Feedback: He found that he was too hesitant during the pricing negotiation, lacking confidence.
3. Adjustment: He enrolled in an online course on sales negotiation and sought advice from the company’s top salesperson on how to handle similar issues.
4. Re-action: He applied the new methods learned in his next client meeting.

In this scenario, “reframing” is not the endpoint, but a trigger for action. It brings not an illusory “feel-good,” but tangible “learning and improvement.” Through these repeated “action—feedback—adjustment” loops, his abilities truly improve, and his performance naturally rises. What he builds is a solid self-worth derived from real ability.

The Forgotten Fifth Step in “Five-Step Dilemma Release Method”

Remember the “Five-Step Dilemma Release Method” from Volume I? Its power is precisely because it ultimately points to the fifth step—“I will go and…”, a concrete, actionable plan.

Sadly, in reality, too many people only complete the first four steps. They shift their thinking from “I can’t do it” to “When I… I will be able to do it,” and then they immerse themselves in this wonderful feeling of “I will surely succeed in the future,” stopping there.

They forget that between “wanting to achieve” and “being able to achieve,” there is a chasm called “action.”

Therefore, please remember: Action is the soul of the “Five-Step Dilemma Release Method.” Dilemma release without action is just sitting in a more comfortable position in the prison of your mind.

[The Gardener’s Vow]

To ensure your gardening skills don’t go astray, I invite you to make a sacred vow here. Please write it down and post it where you can always see it.

“I, as the gardener of my own mind, hereby solemnly vow:”

1. “Every reframe I undertake will target a concrete, positive action.”
2. “I will bravely allow my new beliefs to be tested by the real world and calmly face all feedback, whether success or failure.”
3. “I will treat every piece of feedback as a valuable opportunity for adjustment and growth, and use it as a basis for initiating the next action.”

This vow will be your talisman. It will constantly remind you that true power comes from grounded action, not from fanciful thought. True value is created in the process of transforming the world, not in the imagination of the mind.

Take action. Let the tempering of reality crown you.

Chapter 10: Don’t Rush to Drive Away Your Pain; It’s a Messenger

Now, we arrive at the center of this shadowy area. Here lurks the most fundamental and subtle trap. It concerns our fundamental relationship with our own “pain.”

Our initial motivation for learning reframing is often to “eliminate” or “get rid of” unpleasant negative emotions—anxiety, sadness, anger, jealousy, disappointment. We treat them as enemies, as “system junk” that needs to be cleared quickly.

Reframing seems to be that most efficient “one-click clean-up” tool.

But what if this most fundamental presumption was wrong from the start?

What if pain is not your enemy? What if it is a messenger?

Imagine your hand touches a scorching stove, and your body immediately feels intense “pain.” Is this “pain” your enemy? No, it is