"Prisoner, Alchemist, and Sky: A Journey of Self-Reconciliation Beyond the Mind's Cage"

Introduction: We Are All Prisoners of Our Own Stories

Do you know Ah Zhe?

Perhaps not. But you will surely see a reflection of yourself in him.

Ah Zhe is a good person. Kind, diligent, loyal to friends, and reasonably responsible at work. But his life, how should I put it? It’s like an old TV with a loose connection, every now and then it “zzzzzt” and plunges into a black-and-white screen full of static.

He deeply believes he has a fatal curse: “I always mess up the most important things.”

This thought, like a ghost, haunts every corner of his life.

When he prepares for an important work presentation, this voice whispers in his ear: “Don’t bother. Remember last time? You were like this too, and ended up making a fool of yourself in front of the boss.” So, his heart begins to pound, his palms sweat, and his meticulously prepared speech turns into a blur in his mind. The result? The result, of course, confirms the curse once again.

When he meets a girl he likes and summons the courage to speak, that voice sneers: “You? Forget it. If she knew you’re someone who can’t even manage his own life, she’d only find you ridiculous.” So, his throat feels choked, and all his enthusiasm instantly cools. He watches helplessly as the girl’s back disappears into the crowd, with only the echo of the curse in his heart: “See? You messed up again.”

Even at a friend’s gathering, when everyone is talking animatedly, sharing their successes and joys, Ah Zhe just quietly shrinks into a corner, nursing his drink. That voice, like a judge, solemnly pronounces in his mind: “You don’t belong here. You’re a failure, an impostor disguised among people.”

Ah Zhe’s life is a constant self-fulfilling prophecy. He is like a diligent prisoner, day after day adding bricks to his prison named “I always mess up,” building it stronger and more impenetrable. He even forgets that he is both the prisoner, the builder of this prison, and the jailer who never left.

Now, pause for a moment, and shift your gaze from Ah Zhe to ourselves.

What we experience, is it cold, hard objective reality, or the “story” our inner self never stops telling us?

What keeps you tossing and turning at night, is it the fact of “a mistake at work” itself, or the story “I’m a hopeless idiot”? What makes you feel inferior and small in a crowd, is it the objective observation “others are better than me,” or the story “I’ll never measure up to them, I’m worthless”? What makes you hesitate in the face of opportunity, is it the rational judgment “this thing has risks,” or the story “I’ll definitely fail, I don’t have the ability”?

Most of us, like Ah Zhe, live within the stories we tell ourselves. We weave chains from past experiences and build high walls from future fears. We are not imprisoned by reality, but by our “interpretation” of reality.

We are all prisoners of our own stories.

So, the question is.

Is there a key that can unlock this cage we built and maintained with our own hands? Is there a possibility for us to break free from this endlessly looping tragic story and write a new script?

The answer is, yes.

This journey is about finding that key. It will lead us, starting with a seemingly simple mental technique, step by step into the core of our belief system. We will be like a spiritual alchemist, learning the art of transmuting lead into gold; we will also be like a dancer on a blade, wary of the shadows lurking behind the tool.

And ultimately, we might discover that true freedom lies not in finding a better key, but in realizing that we were never prisoners to begin with.

We are the sky that can contain all rising winds and surging clouds.

Now, are you ready? Let’s embark together on this journey of breaking free from the mind’s cage and reconciling with oneself.

Volume One: The Alchemy of the Mind – The Art of Turning Stone into Gold

If our mind is a prison, then the peculiar thing about this prison is that its walls, bars, and chains are all made of the same material – the “meaning” we ascribe to things.

Change the meaning, change everything.

This might sound a bit mystical, like a slogan from some esoteric belief. But it is actually a skill anyone can master, an “alchemy” that transforms our inner world. It doesn’t require you to change reality, only to change your perspective on reality. It doesn’t promise to remove obstacles from your path, but it can teach you how to transmute these stones into gold, turning them into stepping stones to higher ground.

In this first volume, we will learn this ancient and powerful art together. Are you ready to become an alchemist of your own mind?

Chapter One: Turning the Kaleidoscope of Fate

Have you ever played with a kaleidoscope?

A humble little paper tube. You put your eye to it, and inside are just some messy, even ugly, fragments of colored glass. They are meaningless, chaotic, much like the annoying trifles in our lives: a criticism from a boss, a complaint from a lover, the dwindling cash in your wallet.

But when you hold it up to the light and gently turn the kaleidoscope… “Click.”

A miracle happens.

Those messy fragments are instantly rearranged into an exquisite, perfectly symmetrical pattern. You turn it again, “click,” and another new, equally astonishing image appears.

What changed in this process?

The glass fragments inside (reality) didn’t change at all. What changed was only your angle of viewing them and how they were combined.

This is the first alchemy we are about to learn – Meaning Reframing. Its core, as simple as turning a kaleidoscope: The meaning of an event is not determined by the event itself, but by the “label” we put on it. Since we put the label on ourselves, we naturally have the right to tear it off and replace it with a new one.

Let’s return to Ah Zhe’s perennial problem: “Because my boss is picky, I’m unhappy at work.”

This is a typical “causal curse.” “Boss is picky” is the cause, “unhappy at work” is the effect. This cause-and-effect relationship is like an iron chain, firmly locking him in negative emotions. He feels it’s natural, unchangeable.

Now, let’s play alchemist and cast a small spell on this curse. The incantation has two steps:

1. Transform the “effect” (unhappy at work) into its opposite, for example, “very proactive at work.”
2. Move the “because” at the beginning of the sentence to the end.

So, the original sentence becomes:

“My boss is picky, so I’m very proactive at work, because…”

Do you feel your brain “stutter” for a moment when you see this sentence structure? It feels illogical, awkward. But it is precisely this “stutter” that creates a valuable opportunity for us. It breaks the old, automated thought pathway, forcing your brain to find a new, reasonable explanation for a seemingly contradictory statement.

Now, like playing a crossword puzzle, try to complete the end of the sentence above. Don’t judge, don’t filter, let your thoughts run wild, aiming to come up with at least six different versions.

This is like a brain creative storm. It might be difficult at first, but if you persist, you’ll be amazed at how creative your answers can be. Here are some masterpieces contributed by students in real classes, just to get a feel:

• “My boss is picky, so I’m very proactive at work, because… I want to shut him up with impeccable performance.”
  • (See, the “meaning” here shifts from “victim” to “fighter,” with the core values being “dignity” and “control.”)
• “My boss is picky, so I’m very proactive at work, because… this allows me to grow faster than anyone else; I’m getting free master classes.”
  • (The “meaning” here shifts from “torment” to “opportunity,” with the core value being “growth.”)
• “My boss is picky, so I’m very proactive at work, because… only by exceeding his standards can I get promoted faster and escape his jurisdiction forever.”
  • (The “meaning” here shifts from “endurance” to “escape,” with the core value being “freedom.”)
• “My boss is picky, so I’m very proactive at work, because… this actually gives me more capability and leverage to find a better job.”
  • (The “meaning” here shifts from “dilemma” to “springboard,” with the core values being “hope” and “future.”)
• “My boss is picky, so I’m very proactive at work, because… I want to prove that my emotions are controlled by me, not by his mood.”
  • (The “meaning” here shifts from “passive reaction” to “active declaration,” with the core values being “inner strength” and “autonomy.”)
• “My boss is picky, so I’m very proactive at work, because… this allows leaders from other departments to notice me; they will appreciate talent that shines even in such a demanding environment.”
  • (The “meaning” here shifts from “isolated and helpless” to “spotlight on stage,” with the core values being “being seen” and “opportunity.”)

Now, stop and take a deep breath.

Look back at the original sentence: “Because my boss is picky, I’m unhappy at work.”

Has a subtle shift occurred in your inner feeling? The original sentence felt like a cold, heavy stone pressing on your heart. But the subsequent sentences, while acknowledging the fact of “picky boss,” are like flames, full of power, hope, and agency.

Did you notice that every “masterpiece” above is essentially a value transformation? It didn’t change the fact, but it completely changed the “relationship” between the fact and you. It created new values for you (growth, freedom, dignity), or enhanced and shifted your existing values (ability, hope).

This proves a profound truth: Our beliefs must be supported by values. When values change, beliefs can change accordingly.

This is the magic of “Meaning Reframing.” It’s not about deceiving yourself or pretending to be happy. It invites you to jump out of a disempowering, narrow “meaning” framework and actively choose a new, grander framework that empowers you and fills you with hope.

You are the one who gives meaning. You turn your kaleidoscope.

[Alchemist’s Exercise]

Now, take out a pen and paper, or open your memo app. Write down a recent issue that bothers you, fitting the “Because A, so B” pattern.

For example: “Because the market is bad this year, my business is doomed.”

Now, cast your alchemy and turn it into: “The market is bad this year, so my business will be more successful, because…”

Then, write down at least five different endings. Feel that wonderful “click” when your brain is forced to switch from a “despair” track to a “hope” track.

Chapter Two: Your ‘Flaws’ Are Just Virtues in the Wrong Place

Each of us carries a “self-flaw list” in our minds.

“I’m too introverted, not good at socializing.” “I’m too sensitive, always overthinking.” “I’m too slow at things, not efficient.” “I have a quick temper, easily offend people.”

We stare at these labels as if they were scars on our bodies, always feeling they are ugly, something to be corrected or hidden. We feel inferior because of them, believing we are not good enough.

But what if I told you that these so-called “flaws” don’t exist at all? What if I told you they are just “virtues” you’ve put in the wrong place?

This might sound like cheap motivational platitudes, but I will show you the second powerful alchemy – Context Reframing. Its core idea is: Any personality trait or behavior has no absolute good or bad. Its value depends entirely on the “context” in which it is used.

A stone, in the hands of a farmer, is good material for building a wall; in the hands of a child, it’s a toy for skipping stones; in front of a hungry beast, it’s a life-saving weapon. The stone itself hasn’t changed, only the context has.

Our personality traits are the same.

There was once a very successful banker who was terribly troubled by his daughter’s “stubbornness.” Once his daughter made up her mind about something, ten oxen couldn’t pull her back. Father and daughter argued countless times over this, and their relationship plummeted. The banker felt that his daughter’s personality would cause her great trouble in the future.

In desperation, he consulted an NLP master. The master didn’t give a long lecture, only asked him one question:

“Sir, please imagine. When your daughter grows up and goes on a date with a stranger with bad intentions, and that man makes an inappropriate request, at that moment, do you wish your daughter would be a little ‘stubborn’?”

The banker was stunned on the spot, enlightened.

He instantly understood. The trait of “stubbornness,” in the context of “arguing with father over a TV show,” was a troublesome flaw; but in the context of “facing potential danger and holding one’s ground,” it was an incredibly precious, shining virtue. It represented “principle,” “steadfastness,” and “self-protection.”

From that day on, the banker never lost his temper over his daughter’s “stubbornness” again. He learned to appreciate this trait in his daughter, and even consciously guided her to use this “steadfast” strength in appropriate situations.

This is the power of “Context Reframing.” It doesn’t ask you to change yourself, but invites you to find a stage where your seemingly imperfect traits can shine.

Let’s look at another example. Many people, especially those in creative or humanities fields, often feel distressed by being “too sensitive.” They are easily deeply touched by a song, a movie, or an unintentional word from someone else, experiencing significant emotional fluctuations and much inner drama. In commercial negotiations or workplace competition, where one needs to be “thick-skinned,” this seems to be a huge “flaw.”

But let’s look at it in a different context:

• In artistic creation, “sensitivity” is “perceptiveness” and “empathy,” the core talent for capturing subtle details and creating moving works.
• In intimate relationships, “sensitivity” allows you to be more acutely aware of your partner’s emotional changes, becoming a more considerate and understanding partner.
• In self-exploration, “sensitivity” is your radar to the inner world, allowing you to understand yourself more deeply and experience a richer life.

So, is “sensitivity” a flaw? No, it just causes you pain in inappropriate environments. In the right environment, it is your most valuable asset.

[Alchemist’s Exercise]

Now, it’s your turn.

1. From your own “flaw list,” pick one trait that bothers you the most. For example: “I’m indecisive.”

2. Transform this negative label into a neutral description. For example: “I need to consider many possibilities before making a decision.”

3. Now, perform “Context Reframing.” Write down at least three environments, scenarios, or situations where this “indecisive” trait of yours would become a huge advantage.

   • For example: “When the team needs to make a high-risk strategic decision, my ‘deliberate thinking’ trait can help everyone avoid obvious pitfalls.”
   • For example: “When a friend confides a complex life problem to me, my ‘not easily jumping to conclusions’ trait will make them feel fully understood and respected, rather than casually judged.”
   • For example: “When performing a highly precise technical task, my ‘double-checking’ trait can ensure the final product quality meets the highest standards.”

Through this exercise, you will gradually learn to appreciate every part of yourself. You will understand that you don’t need to cut off any part of yourself; what you need is to understand and use them more wisely. You are not a flawed defective product; you are a powerful set of Swiss Army knives, just needing a more complete “user manual.” And the author of this manual is you.

Chapter Three: Five Maxims to Untangle Knots

Some dilemmas, like a dead knot, are firmly tied in our hearts.

“I can’t learn to swim.” “I can’t find a good job.” “I can’t communicate with him.”

These sentences sound like cold, unshakeable final verdicts. They are short, powerful, carrying a sense of eternal despair. When we say these words to ourselves, our brain receives a command: Game over, no need to try anymore. So, we truly get stuck in place.

Now, I will impart to you a powerful set of “incantations,” composed of five maxims, that can gradually untangle these mental dead knots. I call it the “Five-Step Disentanglement Method.” It is essentially a sophisticated, procedural application of “Meaning Reframing,” designed to completely change your inner state by changing your language.

Let’s take “I can’t swim” as a common dilemma to experience the magic of these five maxims.

Step One, Face the Dilemma: “I can’t swim.”

• Analysis: This is a typical “dilemma statement.” It uses negative words (“can’t”) and has no time limit, sounding like an eternal truth. It firmly binds you, the person, to the fact of “not being able to swim.” Your subconscious receives the message: This, and me, are hopeless.

Step Two, Introduce Time, Break Eternity: “Up until now, I have not yet learned to swim.”

• Analysis: This is the first maxim, and the most crucial step. We made two small changes, but the effect is revolutionary.
  • “Up until now”: This is like adding a time adverbial to a verdict. It instantly transforms an “eternal curse” into a “temporary state.” It acknowledges past facts but reserves all possibilities for the future.
  • “Have not yet learned”: We replaced the rigid word “can’t” with the dynamic and possibility-filled phrase “have not yet learned.” It subtly suggests to your subconscious: Swimming is something that “can be learned,” it just hasn’t happened yet.

Step Three, Find Controllable Reasons: “Because in the past I couldn’t find a good teacher and didn’t make time, up until now, I have not yet learned to swim.”

• Analysis: This is the second maxim. It guides us to find a “controllable” explanation for this “temporary state.” Note, the key here is “controllable.” If you attribute the reason to “I’m naturally afraid of water” or “I’m too stupid,” then you’ve fallen into a new trap.
• You must find reasons that you can change through action. Such as “didn’t find a good teacher,” “didn’t have time,” “didn’t have money,” “didn’t know where to learn.” While these reasons may sound negative, they all point to a bright exit: as long as I solve these problems, things can change.

Step Four, Build a Future Blueprint: “When I find a good teacher and make time, I will be able to swim.”

• Analysis: This is the third maxim. Like magic, it transforms all negative statements from the previous sentence into positive ones.
  • “Because” becomes “When.” The word “if” implies the possibility of failure, while “when” carries a certainty of realization.
  • Negative phrases like “couldn’t find,” “didn’t make” are all transformed into positive actions like “find,” “make.”
• This sentence is like rehearsing success in your mind. It paints a clear, achievable blueprint for the future.

Step Five, Formulate Present Action: “I will ask friends who can already swim to recommend reliable coaches; at the same time, I will adjust my work schedule to ensure I have free time every Saturday afternoon for lessons. I will definitely enjoy the pleasure of swimming freely in the water.”

• Analysis: This is the last and most powerful maxim. It breaks down the future blueprint into concrete, actionable first steps that can be taken right now.
• At this point, a person who was originally stuck in the “I can’t swim” knot has been completely “disentangled.” He is no longer a passive, helpless victim. He has become an active agent with clear goals, feasible paths, and full initiative.

Now, go back and feel the difference in your inner state between the first sentence “I can’t swim” and the fifth sentence. The former is static, closed, and despairing. The latter is fluid, open, and full of hope.

This is the alchemy of language. Through the transformation of these five maxims, you have personally untied that dead knot, reshaping a “problem” into a “project.”

[Alchemist’s Exercise]

Please find a dilemma in your life that makes you feel “I can’t do X.” It could be “I can’t save money,” “I’m afraid to speak in public,” “I can’t wake up early.”

Now, solemnly and completely, substitute this dilemma (X) into the “Five-Step Disentanglement Method,” writing it down sentence by sentence.

1. I can’t do X.
2. Up until now, I have not yet been able to do X.
3. Because in the past I…, up until now, I have not yet been able to do X.
4. When I…, I will be able to do X.
5. I will go and…, which will enable me to do X.

Be sure to make the fifth step as detailed and specific as possible. The power of this exercise lies not only in changing your mindset but also in ultimately leading to real action.

Chapter Four: When You Can Have Your Cake and Eat It Too

Our culture is filled with admonitions like “you can’t have your cake and eat it too.”

“If you work, you won’t have time for family.” “If you want quality, you have to sacrifice quantity.” “If you pursue your dreams, you have to endure poverty.” “To maintain harmonious relationships, you have to suppress your true feelings.”

These dualistic beliefs, like invisible walls, confine our imagination. We often struggle painfully in these “dilemmas,” feeling that no matter what we choose, there will be regrets.

But the alchemist’s creed is: In seemingly irreconcilable contradictions, there often lies a door to higher wisdom.

This fourth alchemy, I call the “Have Both Method.” It is actually a special application of “Meaning Reframing,” specifically designed to break those “either/or” limiting beliefs.

Its operation is very simple and direct; it only requires you to issue a mental command to yourself:

“I firmly believe that both can be achieved. Now, how do I need to think or act to make it happen?”

This command is like issuing an “escape” order to your brain. It forces your mind to jump out of that preset, black-and-white box and search for those creative third, fourth, or even fifth possibilities hidden in the gray areas.

Let’s look at a classic example. A team leader complained: “If quality goes up, production will inevitably decrease.”

This is a typical “fish and bear’s paw” dilemma. If we accept this premise, then the discussion will fall into endless arguments about “whether to prioritize quality or quantity.”

Now, let’s activate the “Have Both Method” and issue the command to ourselves: “If quality and quantity can be improved simultaneously, what do we need to do?”

This question will instantly shift everyone’s energy from “internal friction” to “co-creation.” People will begin to think about entirely new possibilities:

• “Can we optimize the process, cutting out unnecessary, time-consuming, and quality-affecting steps?”
• “Can we introduce new tools or technologies to improve both efficiency and accuracy?”
• “Can we train the team to improve everyone’s average skill level, so rework rates are lower, and both quality and quantity naturally increase?”
• “Can we redefine ‘quantity’? Maybe it’s not about producing more ‘junk,’ but producing more ‘boutique’ items; the value of one high-quality item might be worth ten inferior ones.”

See, once you break that preset of “must lose one of the two,” countless innovative solutions emerge.

Let’s look at another real-life example. A working mother said: “After work, I also have to supervise my child’s studies; I simply don’t have time to spend with my husband. How can our marriage possibly be good?”

This is a heartbreaking dilemma. But we can still activate the “Have Both Method.”

“If ‘taking good care of the child’ and ‘maintaining a good marriage’ can both be achieved, what do I need to do?”

• “Can I have an open and honest conversation with my husband, making ‘maintaining the marriage’ a joint project, rather than solely my responsibility? For example, can we agree on a ‘couples-only night’ once a week, entrusting the child to parents or a babysitter temporarily?”
• “Can I turn ‘supervising the child’s studies’ into a ‘family activity’? For example, all three of us read together, then share our thoughts, which is both parent-child time and time for husband and wife to communicate.”
• “Can I redefine ‘spending time with husband’? Perhaps he doesn’t need long hours of companionship, but rather ten minutes of high-quality, focused, uninterrupted time. Can I give him a heartfelt hug after the child falls asleep and talk about his day?”

Often, we fall into dilemmas because our definition of needs is too “vague” and “rigid.” For example, we think “love” equals “long hours of companionship,” and “success” equals “making a lot of money.” The “Have Both Method” prompts us to “dissect” our true needs more clearly, thereby finding more flexible and creative ways to satisfy them.

Of course, this doesn’t mean that in life, everything must force “having both.” Learning to choose is itself a kind of wisdom. However, before you choose to give up, first use this method to push yourself to an extreme challenge of creativity; this itself is a profitable endeavor.

Because insisting on the belief that “you can’t have both” will only leave you suffering in place. But insisting on the belief that “you can have both” will at least open a door to a new world for you.

[Alchemist’s Exercise]

Please find a “fish and bear’s paw” dilemma in your life that causes you deep pain.

• “If I speak my true feelings, I’ll ruin our relationship.”
• “If I pursue stability, I have to give up my passionate career.”
• “If I’m strict with my child, it will affect our parent-child bond.”

Now, choose one of them and loudly say the incantation to yourself: “If A and B can both be achieved, what do I need to do?”

Then, without any limitations, write down at least three (even if they seem crazy) solutions.

This exercise is training your mind’s “muscle.” When this muscle becomes strong enough, you will find that those seemingly insoluble “dead ends” in life are actually just “narrow gates” leading to a broader world.

Volume Two: From First Aid to Wellness – When Technique Meets Value

We’ve just learned four powerful mental alchemies in Volume One. They are like a magical toolbox, helping us quickly deal with mental deadlocks and change current negative emotions.

This is great, absolutely great. But deep down, do you also feel a subtle unease?

Are these techniques too “quick”? Can they solve deeper issues like “low self-worth” that have plagued us for years? Or are they merely bandages, temporarily stopping the emotional bleeding but unable to heal recurrent old wounds?

This is precisely the core question we will delve into in this volume: How to elevate “reframing,” this “first aid technique,” into a “wellness practice” that can fundamentally nourish us and build long-term stable self-worth.

This journey will go from a matchstick to an ever-burning lamp.

Chapter Five: A Life-Saving Matchstick

Imagine you are lost in a dark, boundless forest. Cold, fear, and despair surround you like wild beasts. You feel like you’re about to die there.

Just then, you pull a matchstick from your pocket.

With trembling hands, you strike it. “Sizzle,” a small cluster of warm, orange-yellow light instantly dispels the heaviest darkness before your eyes.

What did you see in that brief light?

You might have seen the path ahead, realizing it wasn’t as treacherous as you imagined. You might have seen a large tree nearby where you could find shelter, giving you a moment of security. You might even have glimpsed a faint light in the distance, a hope you had never noticed before.

Most importantly, this flicker of light allowed you to reconfirm one thing: “I still have a way. I’m not done for yet.”

This matchstick is a perfect metaphor for “reframing” as an “emotional first aid technique.”

When our hearts are overwhelmed by dark thoughts like “I messed up,” “I can’t do it,” “there’s no hope,” reframing is that struck, life-saving matchstick. It can, in a matter of seconds, create a valuable “psychological buffer zone” for us.

• “Meaning Reframing” allows us to see the spark of “growth” in the darkness of “failure.”
• “Context Reframing” allows us to see the spark of “unique advantage” in the darkness of “self-loathing.”
• “Five-Step Disentanglement” allows us to see the spark of “next action” in the darkness of “helplessness.”

This flicker of light may not directly lead you out of the entire forest, and it may even extinguish quickly. But its value cannot be overstated. Because at the most critical moment, it provides you with three most precious things:

1. Hope: It breaks the monopoly of despair, making you believe things can still turn around.
2. Agency: It transforms you from a passively enduring “victim” into an “actor” who can make a difference.
3. Emotional Respite: It allows you to temporarily detach from intense negative emotions, regaining a little bit of rational thinking ability.

In many critical moments, it is precisely this brief respite and faint hope that sustain us through the most difficult times. Therefore, never underestimate the immense value of “reframing” as a first aid tool. It is one of the most important survival tools we should all carry with us.

However, a person who truly wants to cross the forest cannot rely only on one matchstick after another.

Because matchsticks will eventually run out, and the forest night is still long.

What you need is an ever-burning lamp that can continuously illuminate the path ahead.

Chapter Six: Lighting an Ever-Burning Lamp in Your Inner Temple

That ever-burning lamp is what we call “stable, positive self-worth.”

What is a person who possesses this lamp like?

He does not avoid encountering darkness, but he has light within, so he does not fear darkness. When he messes something up, he might be frustrated, but deep down, a voice will say: “It’s okay, this is just a mistake, it doesn’t define who I am. I am still capable, and I can learn from this.” When he is criticized by others, he might be sad, but the lamp within him will not waver because he knows his worth does not depend on others’ evaluations.

This lamp is our inner “immune system.” It gives us greater resilience when facing life’s viruses and bacteria.

So, the question arises. How can we possess this lamp?

The answer might surprise you: This lamp is slowly fueled and gathered by the “matchsticks” we strike again and again.

Reframing and self-worth are not an opposition of “first aid” versus “long-term solution.” They are the relationship between “points” and “lines,” “bricks” and a “temple.”

Every time you successfully practice reframing, you are not just solving a present problem. On a deeper level, you are making a small construction on your “inner temple.”

• When you reframe “My boss’s pickiness makes me suffer” into “My boss’s pickiness makes me grow faster,” you not only solve the immediate unhappiness, but you are also pouring a little concrete into the “growth pillar” of your inner temple. You are telling yourself through action: “I am someone who can learn and grow in adversity.”
• When you reframe “I’m too introverted” into “I’m more focused when deep thinking is required,” you are not just accepting a flaw; you are also attaching a solid tile to the “self-awareness” wall of your temple. You are telling yourself: “I am a complete person who knows how to appreciate all my traits.”
• When you use the “Five-Step Disentanglement Method” to transform “I can’t manage my finances” into a concrete learning plan, you are not just finding a method; you are also lighting a new candle on the “control” altar of your temple. You are telling yourself: “I am a proactive person capable of solving my own problems.”

Do you see?

Reframing is the “daily construction method” for building long-term self-worth.

A stable self-worth system is not gained through a sudden epiphany, nor is it built by reading a few books. It is confirmed, strengthened, and nourished repeatedly through our conscious “choices of thought and action” in countless specific, small life events.

Every successful reframe is a small confirmation of a more positive, stronger “self-concept.” When these confirmations accumulate sufficiently, a quantitative change will lead to a qualitative one. The external “technique” slowly internalizes into our inner “belief.”

The “matchstick” for first aid converges into the “ever-burning lamp” for wellness.

Chapter Seven: A Gentle Dialogue with Oneself

Now, let’s reveal the secret behind this “fueling” process. Why do reframing exercises have such a profound effect?

Because it’s not just a “mind game”; at its core, it’s a “dialogue with your inner core values.”

Our sense of self-worth is often fragile because we lose connection with the most precious things deep within us – our core values. We forget what we truly value, we forget who we are.

Reframing, like a bridge, helps us reconnect with these core values when we feel lost and powerless.

Let’s look closely again at the “masterpieces” from Chapter One about the “picky boss,” and feel the different inner values they connect to:

• ”…I want to shut him up with impeccable performance.”
  • This is a dialogue with the values of “dignity” and “power.” It says: “My worth cannot be trampled. I have the power to defend my dignity.”
• “…this allows me to grow faster than anyone else.”
  • This is a dialogue with the value of “growth.” It says: “For me, continuous learning and progress are more important than temporary comfort.”
• ”…I want to prove that my emotions are controlled by me.”
  • This is a dialogue with the value of “autonomy.” It says: “I am the master of my emotions; my inner peace is more important than external evaluations.”
• “…this actually gives me more capability and leverage to find a better job.”
  • This is a dialogue with the values of “freedom” and “hope.” It says: “I always have the right to choose; my future is full of possibilities.”

Every time you choose a new framework that makes you feel “more empowered,” you are not fabricating something out of thin air. You are actually, subconsciously, scanning all your core values within and finding the one that can give you the most strength at that moment, then re-linking this “messy situation” to that higher value.

This “reconnection” process itself is full of healing power.

It reminds you that beneath the identity of “the criticized employee,” you are still a “learner eager to grow,” a “soul seeking autonomy,” a “warrior defending dignity.”

It allows you to break free from that narrow, passive, victim role and reconnect with that broader, more active, and more powerful “true self.”

Therefore, the essence of reframing exercises is not in finding clever sentences, but in whether you, in the process, feel a reconnection with some important value deep within yourself.

[Alchemist’s Value Compass]

This exercise can help you consciously deepen this “connection” process.

1. Write down 5-10 core values that you cherish most deeply. These should be words that excite you and make you feel that life has meaning because of them. For example:
   • Growth, freedom, love, family, health, creativity, contribution, wisdom, integrity, courage, peace…
2. Now, when you do a “Meaning Reframing” exercise, after coming up with each new framework, ask yourself one more question:
   • “Which core value does this new framework connect to?”
3. Write it down.

For example: “My boss is picky, so I’m proactive at work, because this allows me to grow faster.” -> (Connects to my “growth” value.)

Through this exercise, you will transform the unconscious “fueling” process into a conscious “nourishing” process. You will no longer just randomly strike a match; you will solemnly, spoonful by spoonful, add the purest oil to the ever-burning lamp in your inner temple.

This is the journey from “technique” to “Tao.” This is the secret from “first aid” to “wellness.”

Volume Three: Dancer on the Blade – The Shadow Side of Tools

Up to this point, our journey seems to have been bright. We’ve learned four powerful mental alchemies. They are like a magical toolbox, helping us quickly deal with mental deadlocks and change current negative emotions.

This is great, absolutely great. But deep down, do you also feel a subtle unease?

These techniques, are they too “quick”? Can they solve deeper issues like “low self-worth” that have plagued us for years? Or are they merely bandages, temporarily stopping the emotional bleeding but unable to heal recurrent old wounds?

This is precisely the core question we will delve into in this volume: How to elevate “reframing,” this “first aid technique,” into a “wellness practice” that can fundamentally nourish us and build long-term stable self-worth.

This journey will go from a matchstick to an ever-burning lamp.

Chapter Eight: Beware! The Poison Called ‘Positivity’

Imagine a scenario: a traveler has a deep poisonous thorn stuck in his foot. Every step he takes is excruciatingly painful.

At this point, he doesn’t choose to stop, carefully pull out the thorn, clean the wound, and bandage it for healing. Instead, he learns a set of magical incantations (reframing). He recites to himself: “This pain is strengthening my willpower,” “This thorn is reminding me of the hardships of life’s journey.”

The incantation works. He temporarily forgets the pain, feels full of strength, and so continues to limp forward with his injured leg. The further he walks, the deeper the thorn penetrates, and the poison spreads throughout his body. Until one day, the incantation no longer works, and he collapses in despair, only to realize that his entire leg has already necrotized.

This unsettling analogy reveals the most dangerous and common misuse of “reframing” – using it as a “spiritual painkiller” to numb oneself.

We are so eager to escape pain that when we master a tool that can quickly make us “feel good,” we easily become addicted to it. We use it to bypass problems, not solve them; to suppress emotions, not release them.

This abused “reframing” becomes a poison called “positivity.” It looks beautiful, and it feels good to drink, but it is corroding our ability to face reality.

Trap One: “Violent Reframing” of Major Trauma

Reframing is very effective for dealing with daily annoyances and frustrations (like “picky boss,” “bad market”). But if it’s indiscriminately applied to major emotional traumas, the consequences can be disastrous.

Imagine your friend has just experienced the immense grief of losing a loved one. You walk up, pat him on the shoulder, and say: “Don’t be sad, look at it another way, he just went to another world, and this is also teaching you to cherish the people around you!”

How do you think he would feel? What he would feel is certainly not comfort, but a deep sense of being misunderstood, disrespected, and even a form of emotional “violence.” His true grief is brutally negated by your cheap “positive meaning.”

For truly profound traumas – such as experiencing violence, going through life and death separations, or being betrayed by loved ones – the pain they bring is real and requires full mourning and processing. In such situations, any attempt to hastily “find positive meaning” is a harm to the person involved and a suppression and betrayal of one’s own true emotions.

Safety Boundary: Please remember, reframing is not a substitute for psychotherapy. When facing major psychological trauma, the primary task is to seek professional psychological counseling and support, not to “DIY” reframing at home. In those moments, what we need is to be heard, accepted, and empathized with, not to be “positive.”

Trap Two: Using “Rationalization” to Escape Real Responsibility

This trap is even more hidden. We might become very skilled at using reframing to find a seemingly very “wise” excuse for our procrastination, laziness, and irresponsibility.

• A salesperson consistently at the bottom of the rankings might constantly reframe: “I’m not failing, I’m filtering out ineffective clients and developing my resilience.” (But he never reflects on his sales skills or effort.)
• A student addicted to gaming and neglecting studies might tell himself: “I’m not wasting time, I’m exploring different life possibilities through virtual worlds.” (But he avoids the responsibilities he should bear in the real world.)
• A partner who constantly avoids communication in an intimate relationship might comfort himself: “I’m not being cold; I’m giving each other space and maintaining beauty through distance.” (But he ignores the huge cracks that have already appeared in the relationship.)

See, reframing here becomes an extremely refined form of “self-deception.” It allows us to comfortably stay in our comfort zone, abandoning the responsibility for growth. This “positive” poison is slowly, invisibly, eroding our lives.

Safety Boundary: How to distinguish between “wise reframing” and an “evasive excuse”? There’s a very simple standard, which we will discuss in detail in the next chapter. But here, please first remember a principle: Any reframe that only brings a good feeling without leading to positive action is worth being wary of.

A true alchemist never fears the ugliness of the ore. He faces it directly, feels its texture and temperature, and only then begins to work. Similarly, a truly wise re-framer never avoids the thorny realities and emotional pain. He fully feels them first, and only then chooses what perspective to draw strength from.

Don’t use the “positive” sugarcoating to cover wounds that have already begun to rot. Bravely uncover it, clean and disinfect it; that is the true path to healing.

Chapter Nine: Action, The Only Measure to Pierce All Illusions

How do you judge whether you’ve drunk a “wise remedy” or a “positive poison”? How do you ensure your “mental alchemy” hasn’t devolved into a “sophisticated self-deception”?

There is only one answer, simple yet brutal: Action.

More accurately, it’s a complete closed loop that includes “action—feedback—adjustment.”

This is the only golden standard for testing all mental tools. Any “mind shift” that cannot ultimately translate into action and receive feedback from the real world may just be an ivory tower built by our brains for self-comfort. It’s beautiful, but it collapses with a gust of wind.

Let’s go back to the salesperson at the bottom of the rankings from the previous chapter. He reframed “not closing the deal” into “I improved my communication skills.” Is this reframe good or bad in itself?

We cannot judge. It could become a powerful new starting point, or it could become a self-deceptive comfort zone. The only difference lies in what happens next.

Script A (False Self-Worth): He was satisfied with his brilliant “reframe.” He felt his mindset had become very “mature” and he was no longer anxious about immediate gains or losses. And then? Then there was no “then.” He didn’t review the failed communication, didn’t learn new sales techniques, didn’t work harder to visit the next client. He simply accepted himself as “didn’t close the deal, but felt great.” His performance, of course, showed no improvement. What he built was a false, fragile self-worth. When the pressure of reality (e.g., being laid off by the company) came, this illusion would instantly collapse.

Script B (True Self-Worth): He said to himself: “Okay, I failed this time. But from a positive perspective, it exposed my insufficient ability in handling client objections. This is good; it’s a valuable learning opportunity.” Then, he immediately took action:

1. Action: He listened to the communication recording (if available) again, analyzing word by word where he spoke poorly.
2. Feedback: He found that he was too hesitant in the quoting stage and lacked confidence.
3. Adjustment: He enrolled in an online course on sales negotiation and sought advice from the company’s top salesperson on how to handle similar problems.
4. Re-action: In his next client meeting, he applied the new methods he had learned.

In this script, “reframing” is not the end, but a trigger for action. What it brings is not illusory “feeling good,” but tangible “learning and improvement.” Through these repeated “action—feedback—adjustment” loops, his abilities genuinely improved, and his performance naturally increased. What he built was a solid self-worth, derived from real capabilities.

The Forgotten Fifth Step in the “Five-Step Disentanglement Method”

Do you remember the “Five-Step Disentanglement Method” from Volume One? Its power is so strong precisely because it ultimately leads to the fifth step – “I will go and…”, a concrete, actionable plan.

Sadly, in reality, too many people only complete the first four steps. They achieve the mental shift from “I can’t do it” to “When I… I will be able to do it,” and then they immerse themselves in this wonderful feeling of “I will definitely succeed in the future,” stopping their progress.

They forget that between “thinking it can be done” and “actually doing it,” there is a chasm called “action.”

So, please remember: Action is the soul of the “Five-Step Disentanglement Method.” Disentanglement without action is merely changing to a more comfortable position to continue being imprisoned in your mind.

[Alchemist’s Vow]

To ensure your alchemy doesn’t go awry, I invite you to make a sacred vow here. Please write it down and post it where you can always see it.

“I, as an alchemist of my own mind, hereby solemnly vow:”

1. “Every reframe I perform will be aimed at a concrete, positive action.”
2. “I will bravely let my new beliefs be tested by the real world, and openly face all feedback, whether success or failure.”
3. “I will consider every piece of feedback a valuable opportunity for adjustment and growth, and use it as a basis to initiate the next action.”

This vow will be your talisman. It will constantly remind you that true power comes from grounded action, not from fanciful thinking. True value is created in the process of transforming the world, not constructed in the imagination of the mind.

Take action. Let the tempering of reality crown you.

Chapter Ten: Don’t Rush to Drive Away Your Pain, It’s a Messenger

Now, we arrive at the center of this shadow region. Here lies the most fundamental and subtle trap. It concerns our fundamental relationship with our own “pain.”

Our initial motivation for learning reframing is often to “eliminate” or “get rid of” unpleasant negative emotions – anxiety, sadness, anger, jealousy, disappointment. We treat them as enemies, as “system junk” that needs to be quickly cleared.

Reframing seems to be the most efficient “one-click clear” tool.

But what if this most fundamental premise was wrong from the beginning?

What if pain is not your enemy? What if it is a messenger?

Imagine your hand touching a hot stove, and your body immediately feels intense “pain.” Is this “pain” your enemy? No, it is your body’s messenger, a loyal messenger desperately shouting to you: “Danger! Pull your hand back! There is harm here!”

If you don’t understand this signal, or if you numb the pain in some way, your hand will continue to burn until it is completely destroyed.

Our mental pain is also like this.

• Your anxiety might be a messenger. It’s telling you: “This thing you’re focusing on is very important to you, but you feel unprepared.”
• Your sadness might be a messenger. It’s telling you: “You’ve lost someone or something you cherished greatly; please allow yourself time to mourn this loss.”
• Your anger might be a messenger. It’s telling you: “Your important boundaries or values are being violated.”
• Your jealousy might be a messenger. It’s telling you: “That person possesses something you deeply desire.”

These emotions, in themselves, are not the problem. They are merely signals, symptoms, road signs pointing to deeper causes.

And the most terrifying aspect of an abused “reframing” is that it might make us rudely dismiss the messenger before he can deliver his full message.

You feel anxious, and instead of exploring the “unpreparedness” behind the anxiety, you hastily replace it with “this is a challenge and an opportunity.” You feel angry, and instead of examining which of your “boundaries has been violated,” you hastily rationalize it with “he must have his reasons for doing that.”

The result is that you use reframing to suppress the symptoms, feeling temporarily “comfortable,” but the fundamental problem – that hot stove – still exists. It will return next time, in a more intense and destructive way.

First Empathize, Then Reframe: The Core Mindset of Alchemy

So, how should we interact with these “messengers”?

The answer is, before performing any “reframing,” we must first complete a crucial, indispensable step – Self-Empathy.

This means that when a negative emotion arises, your first reaction is not “how to get rid of it,” but “how to welcome it.”

You need to be like a gentle host, opening a door for this distant messenger, pouring a cup of tea, and then sitting down quietly, saying to yourself:

“I see you, anxiety (or sadness, anger). I know you are here now. Your feelings are real, they are important. Please allow yourself to simply be with them for a while, no need to rush them away. I am willing to listen, what do you want to tell me?”

This is a process full of compassion and acceptance. You give your emotions a deep embrace. You give the messenger a chance to finish speaking.

Only when your emotions have been fully seen, heard, and accepted, do you truly have the freedom to choose.

At this point, you might find that this very “acceptance” itself has brought immense healing power, and you no longer even need to deliberately “reframe.”

Or, you can still activate your alchemy after acceptance. But this time, it’s no longer reframing out of “avoidance,” but reframing out of “wisdom.” It’s no longer a harsh coach shouting at you, “Stop crying, hurry up and be positive!”; it becomes a warm friend, gently saying beside you: “I see you’re having a hard time. Now, let’s see if there’s any way to find a little bit of strength from this situation that can make you feel better, even if it’s just a little bit?”

[Alchemist’s Compassion Exercise]

Next time, when you feel a strong negative emotion strike, please pause all impulses to “solve” it.

Find a quiet place, sit down, and place your hand over your heart. Close your eyes, and take three long, deep breaths, allowing your body to relax.

Then, in your mind, complete this “self-empathy” dialogue with yourself:

1. Identify and Name: “I am feeling ______ (e.g., intense disappointment) about ______ (event).”
2. Accept and Allow: “I allow this disappointment to be here. It is real, and it has a right to exist.”
3. Listen and Explore: “Dear disappointment, what do you, this messenger, want to tell me? Is it because I had high expectations for myself? Is it because I longed for recognition?”
4. Express Compassion: “I understand. This is truly difficult. It’s okay, I will be here with you.”

Please fully experience this process. You will find that an emotion that is seen will automatically begin to flow and transform. But an emotion that is suppressed will only accumulate strength in the dark, becoming a bigger storm.

Remember, an emotionally healthy person is not someone without negative emotions, but someone who knows how to gently relate to all their emotions. Reframing should be a helper in this process of learning gentle relating, not a tool that makes us harsher on ourselves.

First embrace your prisoner, then together with him, seek that sky.

Volume Four: Seeing is the Only Antidote – The Dawn of Awareness

We have come a long way.

We started from the prisoner’s dilemma of “I messed up,” and along the way, we learned and cultivated various techniques of mental alchemy, transmuting the lead of despair into the gold of hope. We mastered the inner wellness practices, nourishing the foundation of confidence with every small victory. We traversed the dark paths, learned to reconcile with our pain, and danced with the shadows of our tools. Finally, we arrived at that vast, boundless sky, glimpsing the unmoving awareness that transcends all techniques.

Now, I must tell you a secret. A secret that might overturn all your previous efforts.

All these tools, including everything we’ve discussed before, are just “the finger pointing at the moon.” They are important, but they are not the moon itself.

The true moon, the only antidote that can fundamentally liberate us from all mental cages, is not any “changing” technique, but a “seeing” ability.

In Eastern wisdom traditions, it has a name: “Awareness.”

In this volume, we will together shift our gaze from that “finger” and look towards the bright moon it points to. This will be the ultimate leap of our journey.

Chapter Eleven: Are You the Cloud, or the Sky?

Let’s return to the most fundamental question.

When the thought “I’m unhappy at work” arises, what are you? When the thought “I need to be positive because I want to grow” arises, what are you then?

All our previous efforts focused on how to replace a “bad thought” (negative framework) with a “good thought” (positive framework). This is like using a beautiful white cloud to cover an ugly dark cloud.

This is useful and can make us see sunshine temporarily.

But now, I want to ask you a deeper question:

Are you the cloud, or are you the sky that contains all clouds coming and going?

This is a metaphor that can change everything.

If you think you are the “cloud,” you will completely identify with your thoughts and emotions. When a “dark cloud of unhappiness” floats by, you will feel that you “are” unhappy. When a “positive white cloud” floats by, you will feel that you “are” positive. Your entire world changes with the coming and going of these clouds. Your life is an endless “cloud-changing game.”

But what if you could glimpse the possibility – that you are not the cloud, but that vaster, quieter, unmoving sky?

The sky is never identical to any cloud. When dark clouds come, the sky accepts them, letting them roll, but the sky itself does not become “dark cloud” because of them; when white clouds come, the sky also accepts them, letting them unfurl, but the sky itself does not become “white cloud” because of them.

The essence of the sky is “seeing” and “containing.”

It just quietly remains there, observing all clouds of thoughts, emotions, and sensations freely arising, changing, and then dissipating. It does not judge, resist, or chase.

This is the essence of “awareness.” It is the “ability to be an observer.”

When you can step back, shifting from “being” your thoughts to “observing” your thoughts, a miracle happens.

• When the thought “My boss is picky, I’m unhappy” arises, you are no longer the “unhappy me”; you become the “person who is observing the ‘unhappy thought’ arising.”
• You see it, just as the sky sees a dark cloud. You notice what physical sensations it brings (tight chest?), what emotions (grievance? anger?).
• You just watch, without interference. You don’t need to rush to get rid of it with “reframing.” You simply give it space, allowing it to exist naturally.

Then, you will be surprised to find that no cloud, no matter how thick or dark it appears, can remain in the sky forever. It will slowly deform, fade, and eventually dissipate on its own.

When you cultivate this “sky-like” awareness, reframing takes on a whole new meaning for you.

It is no longer a weapon you use to “fight,” but a paintbrush you use to “play.”

You see a dark cloud floating by; you accept its existence. Then, with a relaxed, curious mindset, you say to yourself: “Hmm, this cloud’s shape is a bit depressing. What if I use my imagination to give it a golden lining?” So, you activate “reframing,” and you see new possibilities like “growth” and “hope.”

You do this no longer out of fear and resistance to the dark cloud, but out of the joy of creation. You become the artist of your inner weather. You know that no matter what kind of cloud you paint, you are always that unchanging sky.

[Sky’s Exercise: A Simple Mindfulness Introduction]

This exercise aims to give you your first experience of switching from being the “cloud” to being the “sky.”

1. Find a quiet place where you won’t be disturbed, and sit or lie down comfortably.
2. Close your eyes and take three long, deep breaths, allowing your body to relax.
3. Gently bring your attention to your breath. Feel the rise and fall of your abdomen or chest as you inhale; feel the relaxation of your body as you exhale.
4. You don’t need to control your breath, just observe it like a curious scientist.
5. Soon, various thoughts will begin to appear in your mind (“Am I doing this right?”, “What’s for dinner?”, “That thing yesterday was so annoying”…).
6. This is the most crucial step: When you find yourself distracted and following a thought, please don’t blame yourself. Instead, gently and kindly say to yourself: “Oh, a thought.”
7. Then, like putting down something you don’t need, gently bring your attention back to your breath.
8. Repeat this process. Thought arises -> Become aware of the thought -> Label it (“a thought”) -> Gently let go -> Return to the breath.

This exercise is training your “awareness muscle.” Every time you pull your attention from a thought back to your breath, you are strengthening your identity as the “sky” (the observer), rather than the “cloud” (the thought itself).

Practice 5-10 minutes daily. You will slowly find that a precious space begins to emerge between you and your thoughts. And that space is the source of all freedom.

Chapter Twelve: “Self-Worth Gym” Practical Manual

Theory is gray, but the tree of life is ever green.

To integrate all the wisdom from previous volumes – from alchemy to wellness, from risk avoidance to the leap of awareness – and truly bring it into your daily life, I have designed a complete, actionable “Self-Worth Gym” practical manual for you.

This is no longer just a “reframing” exercise, but a comprehensive training plan that uses “reframing” as a vehicle, aimed at systematically cultivating your “awareness” and “action”.

Please treat it as a game, a collaborative exploration project between you and yourself, lasting at least one month.

Gym Rules (Must Follow):

• Honesty, no resistance: Be completely honest with yourself, no embellishment, no deception.
• Compassion, no self-blame: Be gentle and patient with yourself, regardless of how well you do.
• Action, no empty thoughts: Always aim for real-world action as the ultimate goal.

Phase Zero: Safety Check and Warm-Up (First Week, Daily)

Goal: Before picking up any tools, learn the safety rules to prevent injury.

• Training Project 1: Emotion Acceptance Journal

  • Equipment: A dedicated notebook or memo app.
  • Action: Every evening, write down one thing that caused you the strongest negative emotion today. Before any analysis, complete the “Self-Empathy” trilogy:
    1. Name: “Regarding ______ (event), I am feeling ______ (emotion).”
    2. Accept: “I allow this feeling to be here. It is real, and it has a right to exist.”
    3. Listen: “What message does this messenger want to tell me about my needs/values/boundaries?”
  • Purpose: To train “awareness” and “acceptance” of emotions, ensuring emotions are fully respected before reframing.

• Training Project 2: Sky’s Exercise

  • Equipment: A quiet corner, a timer.
  • Action: Practice breath mindfulness for 5-10 minutes daily (as described in the previous chapter).
  • Purpose: To train “awareness” of thoughts, beginning to create space between you and your thoughts.

Phase One: Basic Equipment Area (Second Week, Daily)

Goal: Familiarize yourself with core tools, exercise basic thinking muscles.

• Training Project 3: Meaning Reframe Press

  • Action: From your “Emotion Acceptance Journal,” choose a small to medium-intensity annoyance. After completing “Self-Empathy,” practice “Meaning Reframing” on it.
  • Formula: “(Event A), so I choose (Positive Action-B), because…”
  • Requirement: Write at least 3 different “because” statements.
  • Purpose: To exercise mental flexibility and creativity.

• Training Project 4: Action Verification Alarm

  • Action: After completing “Meaning Reframe Press,” immediately choose the new framework that motivates you the most, and set a specific, tiny “verification action” that must be completed within 24 hours.
  • Example: If your new framework is “My boss is picky, so I choose to grow actively,” your verification action could be: “Before leaving work today, spend 15 minutes learning a new work-related skill.”
  • Requirement: Write this action into your to-do list and set an alarm reminder.
  • Purpose: To establish a “thought-to-action” closed loop, nourishing belief with reality.

Phase Two: Integrated Training Area (Third Week, 2-3 times per week)

Goal: Integrate multiple tools, challenge more complex dilemmas.

• Training Project 5: Five-Step Disentanglement Sprint

  • Action: From your life, find a long-term dilemma that makes you feel “I can’t do X.” Go through the “Five-Step Disentanglement Method” process completely.
  • Requirement: The action plan in step five must be broken down into at least 3 specific sub-tasks with clear deadlines.
  • Purpose: To transform static, grand problems into dynamic, manageable projects.

• Training Project 6: Context Reframe Squats

  • Action: Identify a personal trait you’ve disliked for a long time. Within a week, intentionally seek out or create 3 “contexts” where this trait can serve a positive purpose, and record your feelings.
  • Example: If you feel you “worry too much,” you can proactively organize a family trip, allowing this “trait” to become a “meticulous and thoughtful” advantage in the context of “planning a complex itinerary.”
  • Purpose: To integrate your shadow side, learning to appreciate a complete, rather than perfect, self.

Phase Three: Free Sparring Zone (Fourth Week and beyond, integrate into daily life)

Goal: Internalize all techniques into instinct, becoming a true “artist of life.”

• Training Project 7: Instant Reframe Dialogue

  • Action: When talking to people or hearing others complain, quickly reframe in your mind. No need to speak it aloud, just practice internally.
  • Purpose: To move the practice scenario from the “study” to the “real-life sparring arena.”

• Training Project 8: Permanent Observer Identity

  • Action: Throughout the day, constantly remind yourself: “I am observing my thoughts and emotions; I am not them.” You can set random reminders on your phone.
  • Purpose: To make the “sky” identity transition from a deliberate exercise to a constant state of being.

This “gym” plan has no end. It’s a game you can play your whole life. Through this game, you are training not just your problem-solving ability, but your ability to relate to yourself and the world.

Chapter Thirteen: The Final Reframe: From ‘Conditional Worth’ to ‘Unconditional Being’

Our journey is nearing its end. But this end is not some ultimate answer, but a more beautiful beginning.

We started from the prisoner’s dilemma of “I messed up,” and along the way, we learned and cultivated, with a seemingly clear goal – to become a “better,” “more valuable” person through mental alchemy and the cultivation of self-worth.

“High self-worth,” this phrase, like a radiant Holy Grail, is the ultimate reward of our hero’s journey.

But now, I invite you to use the “reframing” sword, which we have sharpened to an incredibly keen edge, to aim at this last, and most solid, attachment – our very definition of “self-worth.”

Please note, this absolutely does not mean we should abandon or diminish self-worth. On the contrary, it is about elevating it from a fragile, conditional, constantly needing to be proven “external evaluation system” to a stable, unconditional “inner state of being” that originates from life itself.

Let’s first distinguish between two types of “self-worth”:

1. Conditional Self-Worth: Its foundation is external. Its sense of worth comes from comparison and judgment – “Am I better than others?”, “Have I met the standard?”, “Have I succeeded?”. It’s like a prepaid card that needs continuous recharging; once external affirmation and achievements stop flowing, our sense of worth instantly zeroes out. This is the root of anxiety and fear. What we have been striving to build so far is, to a large extent, still this type of worth.

2. Unconditional Intrinsic Worth: Its foundation is internal. It does not depend on any achievement, performance, or others’ evaluations. It stems from a simple yet profound truth: “My existence, in itself, is valuable.” It’s not about what you do, but what you are. This worth does not diminish with your failures, nor does it increase with your successes. It remains unmoving, the core essence of your being.

Our previous journey was from “low conditional worth” to “high conditional worth.” This is important, a necessary process of recovery. But the final leap is from “conditional worth” to “unconditional worth” entirely.

So, what is the highest realm of alchemy?

Is it turning “lead” into “gold”?

No. It is finally realizing that you are neither “lead” nor “gold,” but the “alchemist” itself who can transmute them. You possess the freedom to choose, but your fundamental worth does not depend on what you have transmuted.

Therefore, the highest realm of reframing is not to construct a “higher-worth self,” but to deconstruct the fundamental belief that “my worth needs to be proven externally.”

True liberation is not reframing from “I am worthless” to “I am very valuable.”

It is reaching a state of “I exist, therefore I am precious.”

Important Clarification: This absolutely does not mean being passive or giving up. A person who truly experiences “unconditional intrinsic worth” will, on the contrary, unleash a stronger, purer life force. Because:

• Action is no longer for “proving,” but for “expression.” You work hard not to prove your “worth” to anyone, but because creation and expression are the natural flow of your life energy. You no longer fear failure, because failure can no longer define you; it is merely valuable data in the process of exploration.
• Happiness is no longer a reward “after achieving a goal,” but a constant state “during the process of engagement.” You are liberated from the anxiety of pursuing success and instead enjoy the pleasure of doing things themselves.
• Interacting with others is no longer a “value exchange,” but a “resonance of life.” You no longer need external validation, thus you can connect more genuinely and courageously.

This is the true freedom, born from inner strength.

[Final Exercise: From Tool to Being]

The “Self-Worth Gym” has a final “graduation standard”:

When you no longer need any exercise in this “gym” to “increase” or “find” your worth, you have truly graduated.

You can still use all the tools and techniques, but your mindset has changed. You use them no longer to “fix” a flawed self, but like an artist, to create with joy on your canvas that is already perfect.

You finally realize that you were never the “prisoner” who needed to be saved from the beginning.

You have always been that vast, serene, complete sky. And does the value of the sky need to be measured?

This is perhaps the highest tribute to the tool of “reframing,” and its most perfect destination – from a tool for self-repair to an art of expressing life.

Epilogue: Returning to Where You Started

Our journey began with a prisoner named Ah Zhe.

He lived within the story he told himself, firmly imprisoned by the curse of “I always mess up.” He suffered, struggled, and longed for freedom.

We followed him, embarking on this long path of exploration. We learned the alchemy of the mind, transmuting the stumbling blocks on the path into gold; we mastered inner wellness practices, nourishing the foundation of confidence with every small victory; we walked through dark perils, learned to reconcile with our pain and dance with the shadows of our tools; finally, we arrived at that vast, boundless sky, glimpsing the unmoving awareness that transcends all techniques.

Now, it’s time to return to where we started.

Look at Ah Zhe again.

No, look at yourself again.

That thought that once kept you tossing and turning, that voice that once made you doubt yourself, that curse that once made you shrink back in the face of opportunity – is it still there?

Perhaps it is.

But your relationship with it has fundamentally changed.

You are no longer the prisoner wrestling with it, tightly controlled by it. Nor are you the fighter who needs to be constantly vigilant, holding the “reframing” sword.

You just quietly watch it.

When the thought “I messed up again” arises, you see it, just as the sky sees a cloud, perhaps a strangely shaped one, floating by.

You no longer rush to judge it, nor rush to eliminate it. You just observe it with a slight curiosity. You see what emotions it brings, what physical sensations. You see it linger for a while in your inner sky, and then, like all clouds, it slowly, on its own, dissipates.

You are free.

Not because you eliminated all “bad thoughts,” but because you finally realized that you are much vaster than all your thoughts.

The end of this journey is to return to the beginning and recognize its true nature for the first time.

You were never imprisoned. You have always been free.

Now, close this article and return to your real life. Go act, create, love, experience. Make mistakes, feel pain, go through imperfections.

Just, please take this “seeing” ability with you on your journey.

Live your life with this awareness.

You will find that you are both the clumsy prisoner and the wise alchemist.

But most importantly, you are forever that sky that can contain everything that happens. And this understanding will not make you passive or inactive; on the contrary, it will grant you the deepest peace and the most courageous freedom to fully, fearlessly, live as you truly are.